The wonderful time of Thanksgiving can also bring alive all kinds of family tensions that have been simmering all year long. How you deal with it can make the difference between tearing your hair out, and having a relaxing holiday.
For many of my clients, there is at least one person they are nervous about seeing -- conflicting personality family members, ex-spouses, in-laws, or other potentially stressful situations. Try these tips to make your holiday more relaxing and enjoyable!
Tips:
1. Remember that another people's decisions, words, and actions are NOT yours -- you can't control others, regardless of how awful or mean they are acting. Let go of trying to control others, or anticipate what they will do, since you DON'T have that power.
2. You DO have power over yourself. Make decisions about how you will spend your holiday, with which people, and decide who you will talk with more, and who will get less of your time. Remember to keep your behavior, choices and actions in mind -- they are what you do have control over, and your actions influence others as much as theirs do you.
3. If you feel big issues brewing, you may want to look into therapy or counseling after you holiday is over. It can be a good time to get some clarity. If you instead feel like taking action to get your life where you want quickly, and already feel emotionally healthy/whole, then try coaching soon after the holiday.
4. Remember that this one time of year when many people gather from all over the country is only one short time in your life -- be mindful of the memories you want to create both for yourself, and others.
5. Keep a journal of your experience -- write your fears of interacting with family members, conflict situations, tense moments, or fragile relationships. Also write down any experiences after they happen to help you digest what's gone on and decide what you'd like to do about it.
6. Remember your happiness and life are in your own control -- everything is a series of decisions you can make.
7. Hopefully your holiday will be wonderful, and better than you expected! But if not, welcome the chance to learn about yourself, others, and what you really want and need to be happy.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Women and insecurity
Regardless of how gorgeous, beautiful and amazing a woman looks, her personality will be one of the following. Though all women has aspects of both, one will be more dominant at any point in time.
1)The insecure woman -- constantly applying make-up, obsessed with "problems" with their bodies, obsessively shopping, and other habits to cover up insecurity. Worries a lot and never seems to have enough, always looking for the next trend, the next thing to make that worrying feeling stop. She might even feel that looking perfect will make certain situations go better.
2) The secure woman -- look nice, but doesn't obsess about her appearance -- yet somehow attracts every eye in the room. Puts effort into how she looks, but doesn't worry too much -- what she thinks matters more than what others think. Focuses on doing things she likes that make her happy and doesn't worry much about the rest.
And this has very little to do with how a woman looks.
Wouldn't you assume that a beautiful woman would be secure? Not the case. And wouldn't you assume a less attractive woman would hide in a corner? Also not the case. Personality and outlook matter a LOT here, which in turn, affects how others respond. It can really become a self-fulfilling prophecy (in a good or a bad way)!
1) Regardless of how many cosmetics you are carrying in your expensive handbag, when you feel great about your life, people can tell immediately -- your smile is brighter, your step lighter and all eyes are on you as you walk into a room. Becoming that "it" girl is easier when you're happy -- and it has less to do with make-up than with what your thoughts are made of. People do wonder what you're up to when you're smiling a bit, or have a sparkle in your eyes. It's something you can never buy or attain with a flawless figure.
2) Changing your outlook, to see things objectively and increase your confidence can help you to get that calm, happy, excited about life feeling! Becoming happier, and having that attractive sort of "shine" to your everyday life, is easier when you can work to build unshakeable confidence -- that confidence that carries over into even the most difficult situations. It takes a while to develop, but once you build the foundation, you'll have that strength for life. But you must be willing to work for it, as it won't always come easily at first -- especially if you're caught in old thinking patterns.
3) To get the objective view and build unshakeable confidence, you can work with a coach one-on-one. After you've built this, you'll worry less about your appearance and feel stronger. Then it'll become easier to feel happy, as you'll alter your life to suit you.
In your personal Life Coaching session, we will look overall life, to increase your happiness, so you can truly SHINE. Become your best by building a powerful foundation of unbreakable confidence. Not a cover up, but a foundation.
We'll start by rating your satisfaction level with these items!
Living situation
Work/career
Money/finances
Love life/relationship
Family
Friends
Fun/recreation
Health/fitness
Life purpose/feeling of fulfillment
Feeling of control over life
We'll rate each from 1-10 in your first session. Then we'll work to bridge the gap, to get you to a fulfilling result faster!
No matter how happy, or how much you have already, there is room to become your ultimate best, to live your greatest potential, and be like you never have before.
To start, email me to set up a complimentary consultation over the phone -- if we're a good fit, we'll set up your first phone coaching session, where we will go over the above items and begin to improve your life!
Certified, experienced, Manhattan-based coach and member of the ICF.
www.yourdreamslifecoach.com
1)The insecure woman -- constantly applying make-up, obsessed with "problems" with their bodies, obsessively shopping, and other habits to cover up insecurity. Worries a lot and never seems to have enough, always looking for the next trend, the next thing to make that worrying feeling stop. She might even feel that looking perfect will make certain situations go better.
2) The secure woman -- look nice, but doesn't obsess about her appearance -- yet somehow attracts every eye in the room. Puts effort into how she looks, but doesn't worry too much -- what she thinks matters more than what others think. Focuses on doing things she likes that make her happy and doesn't worry much about the rest.
And this has very little to do with how a woman looks.
Wouldn't you assume that a beautiful woman would be secure? Not the case. And wouldn't you assume a less attractive woman would hide in a corner? Also not the case. Personality and outlook matter a LOT here, which in turn, affects how others respond. It can really become a self-fulfilling prophecy (in a good or a bad way)!
1) Regardless of how many cosmetics you are carrying in your expensive handbag, when you feel great about your life, people can tell immediately -- your smile is brighter, your step lighter and all eyes are on you as you walk into a room. Becoming that "it" girl is easier when you're happy -- and it has less to do with make-up than with what your thoughts are made of. People do wonder what you're up to when you're smiling a bit, or have a sparkle in your eyes. It's something you can never buy or attain with a flawless figure.
2) Changing your outlook, to see things objectively and increase your confidence can help you to get that calm, happy, excited about life feeling! Becoming happier, and having that attractive sort of "shine" to your everyday life, is easier when you can work to build unshakeable confidence -- that confidence that carries over into even the most difficult situations. It takes a while to develop, but once you build the foundation, you'll have that strength for life. But you must be willing to work for it, as it won't always come easily at first -- especially if you're caught in old thinking patterns.
3) To get the objective view and build unshakeable confidence, you can work with a coach one-on-one. After you've built this, you'll worry less about your appearance and feel stronger. Then it'll become easier to feel happy, as you'll alter your life to suit you.
In your personal Life Coaching session, we will look overall life, to increase your happiness, so you can truly SHINE. Become your best by building a powerful foundation of unbreakable confidence. Not a cover up, but a foundation.
We'll start by rating your satisfaction level with these items!
Living situation
Work/career
Money/finances
Love life/relationship
Family
Friends
Fun/recreation
Health/fitness
Life purpose/feeling of fulfillment
Feeling of control over life
We'll rate each from 1-10 in your first session. Then we'll work to bridge the gap, to get you to a fulfilling result faster!
No matter how happy, or how much you have already, there is room to become your ultimate best, to live your greatest potential, and be like you never have before.
To start, email me to set up a complimentary consultation over the phone -- if we're a good fit, we'll set up your first phone coaching session, where we will go over the above items and begin to improve your life!
Certified, experienced, Manhattan-based coach and member of the ICF.
www.yourdreamslifecoach.com
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The "simple things" -- they can help you achieve!
The simple things -- those obvious things that make you happy but which aren't "practical" or "productive" -- are too often overlooked. We value work so much in our society, that it can lead us to forget how important other things are, e.g., having people who care about you, taking care of your health, and doing things you enjoy is. We could all be so much happier if they taught us those things from an early age! But instead we seem to often focus on hard work and hopefully, eventually stumble upon happiness.
Sometimes, it can seem "lazy" or even "selfish" to take that time to develop your happiness -- the good things in your life -- which is ridiculous, as those things make life good! And they also make it easier to work hard, as your health, heart and mind are supported.
What "simple things" do you need to feel good? To be your best and happiest? Make a list and then seek those things out! There's nothing wrong with knowing you need some things.
Examples: (your list may be very different!)
So instead of feeling guilty for needing anything, know that in order to reach your highest level of potential, you will need some extras -- extra rest, fun, health, friends, love, etc. No, these things aren't necessary just to exist, but they are necessary to thrive and reach your highest potential, in ALL areas of your life!
Sometimes, it can seem "lazy" or even "selfish" to take that time to develop your happiness -- the good things in your life -- which is ridiculous, as those things make life good! And they also make it easier to work hard, as your health, heart and mind are supported.
What "simple things" do you need to feel good? To be your best and happiest? Make a list and then seek those things out! There's nothing wrong with knowing you need some things.
Examples: (your list may be very different!)
- Taking time to unwind and relax
- Signing up for a class, just for fun!
- Reading for a whole day
- Friends who understand you -- and listen to you
- Family members who are there for you
- A night out on the town
- Going to a baseball game
- Meeting new, fun people
- Being part of a group, such as a sports group, club, etc.
- Window shopping, working on a project, making cookies, watching TV, reading mindless magazines, wasting time, camping, hiking, doing your nails, buying new clothing, etc.
So instead of feeling guilty for needing anything, know that in order to reach your highest level of potential, you will need some extras -- extra rest, fun, health, friends, love, etc. No, these things aren't necessary just to exist, but they are necessary to thrive and reach your highest potential, in ALL areas of your life!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Potential
It's the glimmer, that sparkle in someone's eyes, no matter how far away their goals and dreams seem. It's what makes room for that passion to spark into something unstoppable. It's what made me want to move to NYC, and what makes me excited to stay here. Potential is the reason I'm excited every time I sit down with or start a call with a client.
All of us, no matter where we've been, or who we have been, have SO much more potential than we could ever realize. More to uncover, uncharted waters and struggles and adventures that will take us from now to places we could never imagine. To good things we thought didn't exist. They DO. And it's the potential, that room to create something new, that gleam in your eyes, that will take you there.
Think about your own potential. It may seem impossible and far, far away. But things often seem different from how they are. We are wrong all the time. So if you've given up on your dreams, you may very well be wrong.
Your potential will take you there, if you let it. Unlock it. See what happens. Better things than you thought are out there for you. I'd like to help you see that.
Whether you're a CEO, an artist, someone who makes everyone else jealous -- it doesn't matter. You still are probably pretty miserable if you're like most Americans. But there is more to find out, more to do, and plenty of a chance to find out what happiness for YOU is like.
Email me for a consultation (complimentary).
-Julie
P.S. I love this new song! It's about NYC and potential.
All of us, no matter where we've been, or who we have been, have SO much more potential than we could ever realize. More to uncover, uncharted waters and struggles and adventures that will take us from now to places we could never imagine. To good things we thought didn't exist. They DO. And it's the potential, that room to create something new, that gleam in your eyes, that will take you there.
Think about your own potential. It may seem impossible and far, far away. But things often seem different from how they are. We are wrong all the time. So if you've given up on your dreams, you may very well be wrong.
Your potential will take you there, if you let it. Unlock it. See what happens. Better things than you thought are out there for you. I'd like to help you see that.
Whether you're a CEO, an artist, someone who makes everyone else jealous -- it doesn't matter. You still are probably pretty miserable if you're like most Americans. But there is more to find out, more to do, and plenty of a chance to find out what happiness for YOU is like.
Email me for a consultation (complimentary).
-Julie
P.S. I love this new song! It's about NYC and potential.
what inspires you?
what inspires you? recharges you? It's probably something you haven't done in 10 years or more. Or something you've never done.
Burnout is so common that most of us don't even realize we ARE burned out. It just feels normal. But that's not normal. That's not how you need to be anymore.
It seems like a waste to be "inspired" and "recharge" doesn't it? You'd rather be ACCOMPLISHING right? Well, without that fuel, you are a car driving on empty. You are SLOW. Unfocused, lacking energy.
People can feel your energy. They know when you are burned out. It affects everything.
So make a list of 10 things that make you feel vibrant, alive, that makes your skin tingle and your heart feel light. Those things that effortlessly allow you to feel energy and want to take off running and laughing. DO those things. You deserve it! And it will build the foundation, the rich soil, from which you can ACCOMPLISH, quickly, happily. You can drag your feet through the mud and pat yourself on the back for overcoming adversity, OR just find the path first and simply walk on it. It's so much easier.
Life should be EASY, or at least easier than it's been. Write your inspire list. Feel the joy of doing those things and let it flow over into everything.
Good luck! :D
Burnout is so common that most of us don't even realize we ARE burned out. It just feels normal. But that's not normal. That's not how you need to be anymore.
It seems like a waste to be "inspired" and "recharge" doesn't it? You'd rather be ACCOMPLISHING right? Well, without that fuel, you are a car driving on empty. You are SLOW. Unfocused, lacking energy.
People can feel your energy. They know when you are burned out. It affects everything.
So make a list of 10 things that make you feel vibrant, alive, that makes your skin tingle and your heart feel light. Those things that effortlessly allow you to feel energy and want to take off running and laughing. DO those things. You deserve it! And it will build the foundation, the rich soil, from which you can ACCOMPLISH, quickly, happily. You can drag your feet through the mud and pat yourself on the back for overcoming adversity, OR just find the path first and simply walk on it. It's so much easier.
Life should be EASY, or at least easier than it's been. Write your inspire list. Feel the joy of doing those things and let it flow over into everything.
Good luck! :D
Monday, November 2, 2009
How to Fade Fear in 8 steps!
We all feel fear rise up as we consider taking action. Follow these steps to clear out the fear and get what you want faster! Fears aren't rational and this exercise will help to guide you back to feeling aligned with your goals.
1. Think about taking action.
2. Feel the fear rise up -- write down your experience of the fear. (Does your heart pound? where you feel it in your body? Does it feel like a cold block of ice on your chest? What color is it? Is the fear trying to prevent something from "harming" you?
3. What harm is the fear trying to prevent? What bad outcome could happen that you're afraid of?) Let the fear grow and ask it to "talk to you" to explain why it's so afraid. Close your eyes, breathe and try to visualize what the fear is trying to show you.
4. Listen -- you may see images, feel sensations of fear in your body or remember painful memories.
5. Acknowledge the fear like you would talk to a screaming child -- say "It's OK, I know you're scared, but your reasons don't make sense. This situation isn't going to harm us as you think it is."
6. Tell your fear that you have good approaches and are working to improve things by taking action that could bring good results. Visualize the success you're after and tell the fear "this is why I'm taking this action." If you feel resistance, go back and repeat the exercise from step 1 until you uncover all aspects of the fear.
7. Ask for your fear to support your new efforts. Say to the fear "Can you be on board with me, in making this happen?" If "yes" then "Great, I'm glad you're on board -- please help me to think of new, better ways to accomplish this."
8. Visualize the success you're after. Ask the fear to be your partner in discovering the best actions to bring this about.
An example of how you might answer:
1. ok
2. The fear feels like pricks around my lower neck, almost like shocks warning me not to do it. If it was a color it'd be yellow. It feels like my heart is jumping or fluttering a bit in an unpleasant way.
3. Fears. Note: This took about 10 minutes of contemplating to get any answers.
5. Talked to the fear and told it "I know you're scared because this is new and it's like jumping into choppy shark infested waters -- you're afraid of being harmed...You're afraid of failing and then not having any hope left of something better. This situation won't harm us the way you think it will, because no matter what doesn't work, I will think of another approach. So there is no harm in trying, because the hope doesn't die with a small failure, it will grow as I seek out other approaches that work better -- failing could even fine tune things faster, leading to happy positive outcomes more quickly. So there is nothing to fear. You will be strong enough to handle it. And your dreams are possible and will be possible regardless of anything, if you make them happen.
6. ok. At first, visualized a brick wall. Then realized was afraid of failing and getting so upset that I'd never take action again. Realized that even if that happened, I could always change the approach at any time, regardless, and still achieve the same end goal. Saw myself being more fluid. Saw it being easy, fun, relaxed, more like "me" and less like someone else's approach. Saw it as more of a solid, real thing. More stable and realistic. Clear like the sky is blue.
7. The fear "agreed." Felt much calmer after. Felt like the fear was actually processing a bit, or maybe even thinking of solutions in the back of my mind. Felt more aligned and centerred instead of pulled in different directions. Felt that taking action would now be much easier.
8. Felt like the goal was more tangible after "seeing" it in a visualization. Felt more relaxed. Can see myself taking action faster and not procrastinating now.
1. Think about taking action.
2. Feel the fear rise up -- write down your experience of the fear. (Does your heart pound? where you feel it in your body? Does it feel like a cold block of ice on your chest? What color is it? Is the fear trying to prevent something from "harming" you?
3. What harm is the fear trying to prevent? What bad outcome could happen that you're afraid of?) Let the fear grow and ask it to "talk to you" to explain why it's so afraid. Close your eyes, breathe and try to visualize what the fear is trying to show you.
4. Listen -- you may see images, feel sensations of fear in your body or remember painful memories.
5. Acknowledge the fear like you would talk to a screaming child -- say "It's OK, I know you're scared, but your reasons don't make sense. This situation isn't going to harm us as you think it is."
6. Tell your fear that you have good approaches and are working to improve things by taking action that could bring good results. Visualize the success you're after and tell the fear "this is why I'm taking this action." If you feel resistance, go back and repeat the exercise from step 1 until you uncover all aspects of the fear.
7. Ask for your fear to support your new efforts. Say to the fear "Can you be on board with me, in making this happen?" If "yes" then "Great, I'm glad you're on board -- please help me to think of new, better ways to accomplish this."
8. Visualize the success you're after. Ask the fear to be your partner in discovering the best actions to bring this about.
An example of how you might answer:
1. ok
2. The fear feels like pricks around my lower neck, almost like shocks warning me not to do it. If it was a color it'd be yellow. It feels like my heart is jumping or fluttering a bit in an unpleasant way.
3. Fears. Note: This took about 10 minutes of contemplating to get any answers.
- I could do a lot of effort with no result and waste time, energy, etc.
- I could embarass myself.
- I could run into someone I know and look foolish.
- If it doesn't work, maybe it means my goal isn't realistic -- I don't want to accept that, as it would mean other unpleasant things happening.
- I'd rather live in a dream world where this is possible -- if I take action and fail, maybe it isn't possible.
- I don't want to give up on it, and may have to if it fails -- it's easier to cling to the hope -- and what if there is no hope left?
- Will I be strong enough to continue?
- Taking action could equal a failure.
- It's nicer to see it as a possible win, instead of a confirmed defeat.
- I'm not sure I could handle the defeat, ETC.
5. Talked to the fear and told it "I know you're scared because this is new and it's like jumping into choppy shark infested waters -- you're afraid of being harmed...You're afraid of failing and then not having any hope left of something better. This situation won't harm us the way you think it will, because no matter what doesn't work, I will think of another approach. So there is no harm in trying, because the hope doesn't die with a small failure, it will grow as I seek out other approaches that work better -- failing could even fine tune things faster, leading to happy positive outcomes more quickly. So there is nothing to fear. You will be strong enough to handle it. And your dreams are possible and will be possible regardless of anything, if you make them happen.
6. ok. At first, visualized a brick wall. Then realized was afraid of failing and getting so upset that I'd never take action again. Realized that even if that happened, I could always change the approach at any time, regardless, and still achieve the same end goal. Saw myself being more fluid. Saw it being easy, fun, relaxed, more like "me" and less like someone else's approach. Saw it as more of a solid, real thing. More stable and realistic. Clear like the sky is blue.
7. The fear "agreed." Felt much calmer after. Felt like the fear was actually processing a bit, or maybe even thinking of solutions in the back of my mind. Felt more aligned and centerred instead of pulled in different directions. Felt that taking action would now be much easier.
8. Felt like the goal was more tangible after "seeing" it in a visualization. Felt more relaxed. Can see myself taking action faster and not procrastinating now.
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