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Showing posts from 2010

The impossible is, well, impossible.

Regardless of how hard you work, your mind, soul, body and spirit will NOT allow you to create something that is impossible -- so until you believe it is possible for you to become _____(fill in the blank), you won't be. That could apply to becoming a millionaire/loved/happy/wealthy/accepted/spiritual/a certain job position/or whatever it is for you. What would you LOVE to become, but feel frustrated about? Believe it's possible. That's the first step.

Allowing good things in...it's harder than you'd think.

Once you open the door to allowing new, GOOD things to happen to you, absolutely ANYTHING becomes possible. Let go. ALLOW. Don't be afraid. Easier said than done, isn't it? And the reason for that, as I'll explain, is partly stuck deep in your primitive brain. It's something that restricts the majority of us into cramped little lives we aren't meant for. And it's stuck deep in your primitive brain -- yet, you can undo its negative effect, as I'll also explain. But first, the Secret and The Law of Attraction both require you to "allow" in order to receive the things you desire. Desire is easy enough. "Wow. I WANT that." Visualizing it isn't too tricky either "Yeah, I can see myself in that life." But the allowing part is where most of us get stuck. Do I really deserve that? Is it really even possible? I don't see any evidence for this being possible, so maybe I should throw that idea out. Sometimes holding the hand of neg

Birds of a feather -- which birds are your friends?

Be careful who you mix with most. Those closes to you will influence you more than you know. Take the five people who you talk to most and spend the most time with. For most people... *Your salary will be an average of their salaries. *Your mindset on what is possible (and what is impossible) will become similar to theirs. *Your negative or positive outlook on the world, your ethics, your beliefs -- will all be strongly influenced these people. Choose these closest people mindfully and carefully. For most of us, the choice is not so conscious. We hang out with the people who live closest, who we've known the longest, who we feel the most comfortable around (we are creatures of habit and comfort). But just because something is familiar, does not mean it's the right choice for you. How would your life be different if you consciously went out, left that familiar cozy comfort zone for a moment, and made efforts to meet people who are kinder than you, happier than you, richer than y

Are you LAZY? Or just in the wrong life?

My opinion is that no one is lazy when they are going after something they WANT and care about. When our goals don't match who we are, that's when we notice a symptom -- we just don't do very much. And that can appear like laziness. Let me give you an example from my own life... I clearly remember a moment, living in Phoenix Arizona, sitting hunched at my computer, bored, not sure what I wanted to do. Knowing it wasn't the right city for me, but not knowing which city was. Bored with my writing job. Single, and my friends all lived between 30 minutes to an hour drive away. And I was eating hummus and pita chips, and a piece of that chip flew onto the floor. I stared at it for a long time, and I realized I had no motivation to pick it up. None. I let it sit there for a long, long time. I was somewhat horrified at myself for just letting the thing sit there, but I was also aware that part of me just didn't feakin care. And it wasn't just that pita chip, but every

What does a life coach do?

As a life coach in NYC, you wouldn't imagine how many people ask me "What do you do??? How does it work??" So some explanation... So let me explain what Julie Melillo Life Coaching is all about. Coaches all work a bit differently, but this is what's important to me: 1. You know more about yourself and your problem than I do (or than I ever could -- you've lived with it for WAY longer than I have). 2. You are smart/creative and full of strengths. 3. You are FULL of potential. 4. My goal is to unlock this awesome potential (so yes, you are basically your own treasure chest of potential). 4. Once we find "the key," we make sure you know how this process works, so that you can continue to do what works, for the rest of your life. 5. This process happens ASAP -- as fast as you are comfortable with. Picture this:Weekly, we lounge at a swanky hotel lounge/favorite coffee place/ your conference room at work/your office/or perhaps you even want to wander your fav

Verbal/Emotional Abuse - Can be more harmful than physical abuse

Many of my clients find themselves facing barriers outside of their own control. However, one of the most harmful barriers are negative people in my clients' lives who refuse to be supportive of new goals and dreams. Negative people WILL hold you back. They can influence your mindset, leading you to doubt yourself. Taking this a step further, many people in my clients' lives (even well-meaning friends or family) may go beyond not being supportive, and enter into the territory of Verbal or Emotional abuse as a way to attempt to control and prevent change. Change is scary for people, however harming others as a way to prevent change is unacceptable. Some examples: "You're stupid." "How do you expect to reach that goal? You can't even fold the laundry right." "I said that to get you to shut up." "You're worthless and fat." "I don't know if I even love you anymore." Ignoring. Disrespecting you. Refusing to speak to

Take action right now -- get what you want faster!

As a coach who works with entrepreneurs, CEOs, actors, artists, financial traders, attorneys, administrators, software developers and many more from ages 25 to 70, mostly in Manhattan, but from California, to Arizona to Washington D.C., there is one thing that I can tell you that will help you to SPEED success. That one thing is to know your strengths. Focusing on strengths means setting yourself apart when you're in a situation of high competition. Going for an amazing job, an audition, asking for a date with a gorgeous person, etc. The more challenging the goal, the more you need to know this. Once you Discover Your Top Two Strengths, a whole new world is open to you. 1. Where do you thrive (naturally) 2. Who are your biggest supporters in the world? What kinds of personalities are these compatible allies? 3. What areas should you STOP trying so hard at because they aren't getting you anywhere? 4. How can you create a life that uses your strengths every minute of the day, le

Tear through brick walls

We all have brick walls in front of us -- roadblocks, obstacles, fears. On the other side of these walls are the things you want to accomplish. If you didn't have brick walls, you already would have everything you wanted! Without your brick walls, what would you accomplish? What would you become? What's on the other side of your wall? Your "brick walls" may appear to be solid. However, these walls are actually made of paper. You can tear right through them fast. Move past your obstacles with this challenge for the day. 1. Make a list of 3 things that scare you, but that would help you to reach a goal. Think of a goal you'd really LOVE to reach! 2. Order them by most to least scary. 3. Choose the least scary, and write out one tiny task that would take 5 minutes (it should be the first step towards your goal). 4. Do it -- right now! Example -- "1. Afraid to start a business. 1. Intimidated by new gym. 3. Dreading sending an overdue thank you note. Tiny task -

For entrepreneurs -- getting past negative thoughts

I notice that a lot of new entrepreneurs are plagued by negative thoughts. As they progress, these old thoughts are overcome by new, more action-oriented thoughts. Think about what some of your old, negative thoughts were that held you back -- in business, in dating, in any area. How did you overcome those negative thoughts? Did you see the situation in a new way? Decide to take action despite your fears and "do it anyway"? Did you forget the old thought over time? Whatever you did to change that thought worked for you, and you can replicate your own success in other areas. For instance, if you thought you were a looser in 9th grade, but then decided that was no longer true in 10th grade, you have experienced transforming your thoughts. You can do the same thing now. If you think you're dumb with business, you can also transform that thought in order to create a feeling of confidence in your ability to start a business. It's the same process! And you don't have t

What other people think -- the power to not care.

Do you know that one of the most common concerns I hear from clients, regardless of whether they are a CEO, entrepreneur, or other successful person, is a concern about what other people think. *If I start this business, will they think it's a dumb idea? *If I show confidence, will others feel threatened or jealous? *If I fail, what will they think? *What happens if they say no? *What happens if I get rejected? We all experience feelings like this when taking new risks, but it is reassuring to know that even the world's most successful and personally attractive people feel that same way you do! The difference between an extremely successful person and a moderately successful one, is the ability to overcome the human concern of caring what others think. That said, please note this does mean you still need to act with a conscience and consider others. Obviously, don't do something you think will piss people off , or that you wouldn't want done to you. This blog is address

Let go of the outcome

When you hold tightly to the outcome and identify with it, your ego gets caught up in the experience, and FEAR becomes a bigger problem than it needs to be. 1) I'll take this action 2) If it's a good result, I'm a great person! If it's a bad result, I'm a looser. How common is this thinking? It's pretty much the way society teaches us to think. However, the result of this way of thinking, is that it prevents you from doing NEW things or taking the actions you need to take. It keeps you stuck in a place where anything new is to be feared, because it's an opportunity to fail (and in your own mind, become a "looser.") For most people who don't take a lot of new risks, it's not much of a problem. For people who are suddenly faced with NEEDING to take many risks, entrepreneurs, CEOs, new singles on the dating scene, job seekers, or even a person looking to make new friends -- or anyone thrown into new waters, it makes it a HUGE risk to try ANYTH

Are you more "big picture" or "present moment"?

Video -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ULlh-B35uY Determine this to help you become more efficient during your day. 1. Your strength is one of the two. Big picture focused You enjoy themes, theory, the meaning behind things, forecasting the future, possibilities, brainstorming, likelihoods, what could be, concepts. You might not even notice the color on the walls or how food tastes in a restaurant, as you're absorbed in noticing the overall gist. Tend to talk about concepts or overall big pictures, "Their house was upscale, with a spacious layout." Stressed when have to focus on needed daily practical tasks. Present moment focused You enjoy working with tangibles, things happening today, action-oriented, detail-focused, right now, the five senses, good memory for detail and facts. Practical. Notice the detail of a restaurant -- the color of the walls, the material of the table, etc. Tends to discuss "real" things, or to mention the layout of a room "Their

Solo worker? Why waking up earlier may help.

Are you a "solo worker?" That is, a person who relies on their own motivation to achieve goals instead of having a traditional boss yell at them -- they are business owners, CEOs, entrepreneurs, artists, sales people, some types of financial traders, and so on. Solo workers often have a problem. They have one goal they can't seem to tackle, and it's universally bothering them. To wake up earlier. You should feel reassured that Manhattan's best and brightest solo workers also have the same problem we all do of rolling out of bed on time -- and these are some brilliant and amazing people! Maybe it's because as NYers, we've chosen a night owl city and are out a bit too late at night? Regardless, we're all human, and it's comforting to realize that even the most successful people in this city can have trouble not hitting snooze way too many times on that alarm. Why have so many of my solo worker clients had trouble with this? (And when I say so many

To become your best self...

To create what you want, you need to become a slightly different person. You are great the way you are -- you're living a life, and you have many great accomplishments and joys. However, there are additional ways you'd like to grow, potential you'd like to explore, and a wonderful life you'd like to build -- as they say "Whatever is not growing, is dying." Taking time to grow is important. Keeping your life the way it is now, means your results will stay pretty much the same. This is okay if you are 100% satisfied with your finances, love life, relationships, friends, travel/fun, and living situation. But even if so, it means you won't likely get the new things you know would make you happy. On the flip side, when you even slightly improve yourself, your results improve as well. To create what you want, you need to become a slightly different person. What a concept right!? Think about your goals and dreams for your life. These may be for your: *caree

Are others holding you back from living your dreams?

When you're in the process of discovering what you really want, all kinds of blocks can arise. Some are from within yourself, and others are from the people around you. Read about how the people who you spend the most time with may actually be holding you back from realizing what you want most in life. What could be holding you back? People. Your success may in fact be a bad thing for some other people -- it doesn't mean they are bad people for reacting this way, but we are all human! Family, friends, co-workers, bosses -- there will be people in your life afraid of what will happen if you try something new. Will it be more work for your boss to find a new employee? Will your family be annoyed at having you move far away and not be able to visit as often? Will your significant other feel insecure after you've lost a lot of weight and may start to attract attention? Not everyone will want to support your new ways. Some will even try to prevent you from succeeding -- you

The Lies We Retell

All of us have been brought up to believe a variety of lies. Lies about what kinds of people we are, what we are capable of, what we deserve, and what we can expect out of life. About the Lies... The lies are told to all of us by a variety of (usually) well-intentioned people, who often have their own problems, which cause them to tell these lies. When we are young especially, we soak up these lies and believe in them strongly. For most of us, we will live our entire lives without challenging or even noticing this list of lies. Sometimes the lies are told directly with words, and other times indirectly with action. For instance, someone can say "wow, you're really stupid," or they can say nothing, ignore you, change the subject, roll their eyes, let their eyes gloss over like you're the world's biggest idiot, etc. We then continue to re-tell these lies to OURSELVES throughout the day, every day of our lives. We take action and go after goals (or avoid goals) that

Go towards good

Go towards good. It's that simple. Is the situation or person good, supportive, and helping you? If not, leave. Walk towards situations that make you feel vibrant, excited, happy, calm, understood peaceful, amazing, appreciated, amazing, content, like you're going in the right direction, relaxed, focused, like you're contributing something important, fairness, honesty, integrity. Anything else is not in your best interest. There is nothing to analyze or figure. Good people. Good work. Good health. Good emotional health. Good struggles. Good rewards. Good strength. This doesn't mean you won't experience bad things and struggle, but remember to walk away from harmful things, mean people, negative things, abuse -- these are not the right struggles for you. Leave. Go towards good. Welcome it into your life like an old friend. Run far from anything else, close the door to it, and look away.

NYC Life Coaching

This City Scoops article describes 3 NYC Life Coaches, including me! http://www.cityscoopsny.com/?p=2632

In a Job Searching Rut?

If you're searching for a job, it's easy to get used to searching only 1 or 2 sites a day and to become in a "rut" if you will. You're probably on monster.com, but what about other boards? Expand your options by including at least one new job board a day. Shake up your routine by searching new boards and you might just find a job you hadn't seen before! Here are some of the newest and most popular job boards you might not have heard of! * Beyond.com * Snagajob.com (great for hourly work) * Job.com * Indeed.com (2nd fastest growing job site) * Simplyhired.com * Careerbuilder.com * hotjobs.yahoo.com * Usajobs.gov (Federal government jobs) * Craigslist.com Information from this recent Forbes.com article. http://www.forbes.com/2009/05/26/job-seeking-websites-entrepreneurs-human-resources-monster.html

New Job Sites

If you're searching for a job, it's easy to get used to searching only 1 or 2 sites a day and to become in a "rut" if you will. You're probably on monster.com, but what about other boards? Expand your options by including at least one new job board a day. Shake up your routine by searching new boards and you might just find a job you hadn't seen before! Here are some of the newest and most popular job boards you might not have heard of! Beyond.com Snagajob.com (great for hourly work) Job.com Indeed.com (2nd fastest growing job site) Simplyhired.com Careerbuilder.com hotjobs.yahoo.com Usajobs.gov (Federal government jobs) Craigslist.com Information from this recent Forbes.com article. http://www.forbes.com/2009/05/26/job-seeking-websites-entrepreneurs-human-resources-monster.html

Take immediate action

And do whatever will impact your goal the most. Planning is important, but acting is more important. You can refine your goals later or tweak your approach. For now, ACT. You'll feel a surge of energy from this that will build your confidence and propel your forward faster. I challenge you to do it! You'll do it well, better than you think. Or, you'll learn something vital and amazing. Either way, a great success. Choose one small thing to ACT on today. Do it, and write down how you feel. Continue to do this once a day and you'll see a big result! Wishing you much success!

Make money in a recession?

I really like the way this guy thinks! He has a very interesting perspective I hope you'll check out. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/12/how-to-make-lots-of-money-during-a-recession/

Is your marriage/relationship likely to fail?

This researcher has a reliable method for spotting the signs of relationship doom. Look at the signs, and see if your relationship or marriage is in need of big help. Is your marriage/relationship likely to fail? Famous researcher John Gottman has identified a reliable method for spotting the signs of relationship doom. Look at the signs, and see if your relationship or marriage is in need of big help. The signs include 1. How a discussion begins -- using harsh language, being negative, or showing contempt lead to a failed discussion with a negative outcome. On the other hand, being positive increases the odds the discussion will end on a positive note. 2. The "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." This common group of 4 warning signs almost certainly leads to divorce. First, Criticism -- not to be confused with healthy "complaints." Complaints are fine. They are facts about feelings and situation, i.e., "When you didn't show

Happiest Countries -- America isn't in the top 10

Money doesn't make us happy -- we heard this. We knowingly nod when others remind us of this. But we don't actually believe it. We scoff at celebrities spending thousands, we jealously say bitter things about people with better jobs than us, we insist that CEOs must never have any problems because of their huge paychecks -- all showing that we really do think rich people are happier than us. And if only we made more, we too would be happy. But there's a reason America didn't even make the top 10 for happiest countries in 2009. We're wrong. People are not happier with huge paychecks. These lies are one reason America is not one of the happiest countries, despite our standard of living. Most all of the marketing we've breathed in since we were children has lied to us -- insisting that buying more will make us happy -- that carrying a certain handbag or having a nice car will make us "better." Money, like food, can make you feel secure, but it won't a

Looking for a new job?

"Where the Jobs Are" Event (Manhattan), Tuesday Jan 26th, 5:30pm-7:30pm. Visit my coaching table for giveaways and coaching discounts! Details here: http://www.networkingforprofessionals.com/eventlistings.php?event=JOBS

When we lose something

The things we lose, they fall away like fragments of a statue as it's being sculpted. what lies beneath is the beautiful form, that only removing parts of the marble could create. We all have things we need to lose, in order to gain what we want. Sometimes losing these things, or people, is extremely painful. It is painful to carve into that statue. But it's also what allows the statue to take form. What do you need to lose? Losing weight, to gain health. Bad relationships to gain good ones. Anger, to gain acceptance. Fear to gain courage. What do you need to allow to be chipped off of your statue so you can shine?