Regardless of how hard you work, your mind, soul, body and spirit will NOT allow you to create something that is impossible -- so until you believe it is possible for you to become _____(fill in the blank), you won't be. That could apply to becoming a millionaire/loved/happy/wealthy/accepted/spiritual/a certain job position/or whatever it is for you. What would you LOVE to become, but feel frustrated about?
Believe it's possible. That's the first step.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Allowing good things in...it's harder than you'd think.
Once you open the door to allowing new, GOOD things to happen to you, absolutely ANYTHING becomes possible. Let go. ALLOW. Don't be afraid.
Easier said than done, isn't it? And the reason for that, as I'll explain, is partly stuck deep in your primitive brain. It's something that restricts the majority of us into cramped little lives we aren't meant for. And it's stuck deep in your primitive brain -- yet, you can undo its negative effect, as I'll also explain.
But first, the Secret and The Law of Attraction both require you to "allow" in order to receive the things you desire. Desire is easy enough. "Wow. I WANT that." Visualizing it isn't too tricky either "Yeah, I can see myself in that life." But the allowing part is where most of us get stuck.
Do I really deserve that? Is it really even possible? I don't see any evidence for this being possible, so maybe I should throw that idea out.
Sometimes holding the hand of negativity is easier than breaking away, and running off towards an uncertain horizon line -- one that holds the promise of good, amazing things, but also is completely unknown.
What if you started to believe it's possible, only to have your hopes come crashing down? Fear of this idea is the reason that 95 percent of us will never truly enjoy our lives.
And what a shame that is.
But to do otherwise requires the courage of jumping out of a plane or off of a cliff. Even if I could assure you there was a 0% chance of dying from those activities, our emotions would still come into play and prevent most of us from taking that plunge.
Every day is an opportunity to jump out of that plane, off of that cliff, and into something beautiful, refreshing, new, and powerfully full of newness and love. We are alive and meant to jump into new things. It's the only way to live the life you're meant to.
But most of the time, we don't.
We are like squirrels gathering our nuts for the winter, ready to wait out the snow. But we wait it out for the rest of our lives, and forget to come back out and enjoy the spring. We wait and wait and wait -- for what exactly? And our lives in the meantime pass us by.
We hold tight to our restrictions, our limitations, the people standing in our way, the jobs that make us angry, our hurts, our rejections -- we wrap our arms around these negative, draining, painful things, for one reason:
It's harder to take a risk and believe good things are possible. Because what would happen if you took that risk, if you believed something good is possible, and you didn't get it? Would it be more painful perhaps than living in pain daily?
The fear of disappointment is what keeps us in lives that are continually disappointing. We adapt to the horrible situation, instead of creating a better one, because what if we create a better one only to have it fail?
And what would happen if you got your hopes up and you failed? Would you die? Starve to death? No, logically you know you wouldn't. But part of you really believes you WOULD die. And for good reason! Because your primitive brain just knows fear as fear. It doesn't distinguish beyond that. And in primitive days fear meant that death or starvation were around the corner.
The certainty of bad, negativity is often more reliable than the emotional risk that you can actually create good, wonderful things.
So we stay cramped in the corner, like squirrels hording nuts, afraid to go outside. Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc.
The same element comes into play when we think "Maybe I'll go for that new job." And your emotional reaction feels like this:
"Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc."
No, a new job won't eat you or freeze you to death, but your emotions FEEL like they would.
One of the hardest things about change is this idea. You can't just dismiss that primitive brain, as it's a POWERFUL part of you.
You can't just simply ignore this hugely powerful primitive programming in your brain -- and all the affirmations or distractions in the world won't make it go away. It's there to keep you alive.
So instead of distracting yourself, or dismissing it, or saying "go away!" you must instead LISTEN to the primitive part of you, and SPEAK to it, the way you would a child. Calmly and with concern.
You must convince the primitive part of your brain that the fear you feel is not an indication that you will die/starve if you attempt this. The way you would tell a child "No, there is not a monster in your closet, and let me show you it's safe."
TELL YOUR PRIMITIVE BRAIN THE TRUTH -- THERE IS NOT A MONSTER IN GETTING A NEW JOB, OR IN GOING ON A DATE, OR MAKING A COLD CALL, OR STARTING A BUSINESS -- REASSURE YOUR PRIMITIVE BRAIN.
Give it a try yourself. In 5 minute you can have a life-changing moment. Get a notepad and try this yourself! If you'd like coaching to help you do this more deeply, email me.
How to.
1. Think of the goal you want -- something you've wanted but haven't taken action on. Picture having it. Feel the good feelings.
2. Consider taking action. Feel the bad, fearful feelings.
3. Ask your primitive brain, what are you feeling? What are you afraid of?
4. Write it down.
5. Validate your primitive brain's feelings. "Okay, I see you feel afraid we might have something really bad happen if I go for the job and don't get it. You feel afraid I might not get a high enough pay check there and might starve if we can't afford food."
6. Reassure your primitive brain of the true facts, and assure your primitive brain that you won't starve/die. "I'm going to go on an interview, and I will find out the salary -- it should be high enough for us to buy food. Even if it's not, I have savings to buy food, or I could always move in with a relative. In any event, I will not starve to death or die from going on this interview."
7. You will feel a sense of peaceful calm. It feels really good!
8. Ask your primitive brain to help support you. "Please work with me as I go on this interview and help me to (_____insert the ideal outcome you have for the interview, e.g. "to come across as capable and professional/get the job, etc.")
That is how the process works.
In addition, you can write down affirmations on some note cards cut in half. Carry them in your pocket. Look at them when you're waiting for the subway or stuck at a red light.
Tell yourself, "No, I won't die if I do this. I will live more fully."
"Yes it is uncertain, but I can promise you 100% you won't stave or die doing it. You will thrive doing it."
"Yes I may be disappointed, but I won't die or stave. If I fail, but I'll rebound quickly emotionally, and be much closer to my huge success."
"Doing this will bring me closer to success."
"Even if I feel fear, that doesn't mean bad things will come to me."
"I don't know the outcome, but it will be an outcome that brings me closer to success."
Doing this will help you to work with your primitive brain, to allow wonderful new things into your life. It's the missing link that stands between you and the love, money, and success you need. Give it a try!
Wishing you all continued success!
Easier said than done, isn't it? And the reason for that, as I'll explain, is partly stuck deep in your primitive brain. It's something that restricts the majority of us into cramped little lives we aren't meant for. And it's stuck deep in your primitive brain -- yet, you can undo its negative effect, as I'll also explain.
But first, the Secret and The Law of Attraction both require you to "allow" in order to receive the things you desire. Desire is easy enough. "Wow. I WANT that." Visualizing it isn't too tricky either "Yeah, I can see myself in that life." But the allowing part is where most of us get stuck.
Do I really deserve that? Is it really even possible? I don't see any evidence for this being possible, so maybe I should throw that idea out.
Sometimes holding the hand of negativity is easier than breaking away, and running off towards an uncertain horizon line -- one that holds the promise of good, amazing things, but also is completely unknown.
What if you started to believe it's possible, only to have your hopes come crashing down? Fear of this idea is the reason that 95 percent of us will never truly enjoy our lives.
And what a shame that is.
But to do otherwise requires the courage of jumping out of a plane or off of a cliff. Even if I could assure you there was a 0% chance of dying from those activities, our emotions would still come into play and prevent most of us from taking that plunge.
Every day is an opportunity to jump out of that plane, off of that cliff, and into something beautiful, refreshing, new, and powerfully full of newness and love. We are alive and meant to jump into new things. It's the only way to live the life you're meant to.
But most of the time, we don't.
We are like squirrels gathering our nuts for the winter, ready to wait out the snow. But we wait it out for the rest of our lives, and forget to come back out and enjoy the spring. We wait and wait and wait -- for what exactly? And our lives in the meantime pass us by.
We hold tight to our restrictions, our limitations, the people standing in our way, the jobs that make us angry, our hurts, our rejections -- we wrap our arms around these negative, draining, painful things, for one reason:
It's harder to take a risk and believe good things are possible. Because what would happen if you took that risk, if you believed something good is possible, and you didn't get it? Would it be more painful perhaps than living in pain daily?
The fear of disappointment is what keeps us in lives that are continually disappointing. We adapt to the horrible situation, instead of creating a better one, because what if we create a better one only to have it fail?
And what would happen if you got your hopes up and you failed? Would you die? Starve to death? No, logically you know you wouldn't. But part of you really believes you WOULD die. And for good reason! Because your primitive brain just knows fear as fear. It doesn't distinguish beyond that. And in primitive days fear meant that death or starvation were around the corner.
The certainty of bad, negativity is often more reliable than the emotional risk that you can actually create good, wonderful things.
So we stay cramped in the corner, like squirrels hording nuts, afraid to go outside. Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc.
The same element comes into play when we think "Maybe I'll go for that new job." And your emotional reaction feels like this:
"Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc."
No, a new job won't eat you or freeze you to death, but your emotions FEEL like they would.
One of the hardest things about change is this idea. You can't just dismiss that primitive brain, as it's a POWERFUL part of you.
You can't just simply ignore this hugely powerful primitive programming in your brain -- and all the affirmations or distractions in the world won't make it go away. It's there to keep you alive.
So instead of distracting yourself, or dismissing it, or saying "go away!" you must instead LISTEN to the primitive part of you, and SPEAK to it, the way you would a child. Calmly and with concern.
You must convince the primitive part of your brain that the fear you feel is not an indication that you will die/starve if you attempt this. The way you would tell a child "No, there is not a monster in your closet, and let me show you it's safe."
TELL YOUR PRIMITIVE BRAIN THE TRUTH -- THERE IS NOT A MONSTER IN GETTING A NEW JOB, OR IN GOING ON A DATE, OR MAKING A COLD CALL, OR STARTING A BUSINESS -- REASSURE YOUR PRIMITIVE BRAIN.
Give it a try yourself. In 5 minute you can have a life-changing moment. Get a notepad and try this yourself! If you'd like coaching to help you do this more deeply, email me.
How to.
1. Think of the goal you want -- something you've wanted but haven't taken action on. Picture having it. Feel the good feelings.
2. Consider taking action. Feel the bad, fearful feelings.
3. Ask your primitive brain, what are you feeling? What are you afraid of?
4. Write it down.
5. Validate your primitive brain's feelings. "Okay, I see you feel afraid we might have something really bad happen if I go for the job and don't get it. You feel afraid I might not get a high enough pay check there and might starve if we can't afford food."
6. Reassure your primitive brain of the true facts, and assure your primitive brain that you won't starve/die. "I'm going to go on an interview, and I will find out the salary -- it should be high enough for us to buy food. Even if it's not, I have savings to buy food, or I could always move in with a relative. In any event, I will not starve to death or die from going on this interview."
7. You will feel a sense of peaceful calm. It feels really good!
8. Ask your primitive brain to help support you. "Please work with me as I go on this interview and help me to (_____insert the ideal outcome you have for the interview, e.g. "to come across as capable and professional/get the job, etc.")
That is how the process works.
In addition, you can write down affirmations on some note cards cut in half. Carry them in your pocket. Look at them when you're waiting for the subway or stuck at a red light.
Tell yourself, "No, I won't die if I do this. I will live more fully."
"Yes it is uncertain, but I can promise you 100% you won't stave or die doing it. You will thrive doing it."
"Yes I may be disappointed, but I won't die or stave. If I fail, but I'll rebound quickly emotionally, and be much closer to my huge success."
"Doing this will bring me closer to success."
"Even if I feel fear, that doesn't mean bad things will come to me."
"I don't know the outcome, but it will be an outcome that brings me closer to success."
Doing this will help you to work with your primitive brain, to allow wonderful new things into your life. It's the missing link that stands between you and the love, money, and success you need. Give it a try!
Wishing you all continued success!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Birds of a feather -- which birds are your friends?
Be careful who you mix with most. Those closes to you will influence you more than you know.
Take the five people who you talk to most and spend the most time with. For most people...
*Your salary will be an average of their salaries.
*Your mindset on what is possible (and what is impossible) will become similar to theirs.
*Your negative or positive outlook on the world, your ethics, your beliefs -- will all be strongly influenced these people.
Choose these closest people mindfully and carefully.
For most of us, the choice is not so conscious. We hang out with the people who live closest, who we've known the longest, who we feel the most comfortable around (we are creatures of habit and comfort). But just because something is familiar, does not mean it's the right choice for you.
How would your life be different if you consciously went out, left that familiar cozy comfort zone for a moment, and made efforts to meet people who are kinder than you, happier than you, richer than you (in money and in other ways), more giving than you, and insert the other qualities that matter a LOT to you in life here ___________.
It's not to say you have to disown your family and forget your friends, but instead add a different influence.
Even having one new friend with qualities greater than yours, will change your mindset. It will influence you towards more positive action.
Spending time with people like that WILL influence you. If you're trying to become rich, and your friends complain constantly that it's impossible to get anywhere in life, good luck. If you have even one friend who tells you something positive, perhaps who says "You look like someone who could be really successful," then you have a shot.
Everyone has friends, or at least acquaintances. Our population is also full of muggers, murderers, thieves, sociopaths, and all kinds of other people with qualities that are less dramatic, but equally harmful to you. Negative people who will dampen your enthusiasm, drain your energy, drain your bank account, be sure to hug you when they've just come down with the flu, gossip about you, and so on.
Whether these people are bad or good really isn't the point, but the fact that they can destroy your goals, your happiness or your life, is the point.
These negative influences might have a bigger impact on your goals to have a happy life than being friends with a murderer or mugger, etc. Because at least you can see that clearly for what it is, and avoid it (hopefully!).
If you're feeling stuck, unsuccessful, broke, negative. If you find yourself gossiping constantly, or looking for ways to tear others down. Or perhaps if you're always looking for that easy answer, that new angle, regardless of whether it hurts others or not. You may have fallen into a dangerous situation of being influenced by people who don't have your (or anyone's) best interest at heart.
The less time you spend with negative people, the more time you have to spend with positive people.
1. The first step is to ask yourself, "what do I want most this year?" (Money, love, a home, better relationships, health, etc.)
2. Make a plan for that one goal and write it down. "This year I will ____."
3. Look for people who have the qualities you need to develop in yourself. Befriend them (not to get something in return, but to instead look for ways to help THEM and bring goodness to their lives). It will be appreciated by them.
4. Limit your time spent with people who act in ways (or speak in ways) that derail your efforts.
5. Take daily action and you WILL reach success.
Take the five people who you talk to most and spend the most time with. For most people...
*Your salary will be an average of their salaries.
*Your mindset on what is possible (and what is impossible) will become similar to theirs.
*Your negative or positive outlook on the world, your ethics, your beliefs -- will all be strongly influenced these people.
Choose these closest people mindfully and carefully.
For most of us, the choice is not so conscious. We hang out with the people who live closest, who we've known the longest, who we feel the most comfortable around (we are creatures of habit and comfort). But just because something is familiar, does not mean it's the right choice for you.
How would your life be different if you consciously went out, left that familiar cozy comfort zone for a moment, and made efforts to meet people who are kinder than you, happier than you, richer than you (in money and in other ways), more giving than you, and insert the other qualities that matter a LOT to you in life here ___________.
It's not to say you have to disown your family and forget your friends, but instead add a different influence.
Even having one new friend with qualities greater than yours, will change your mindset. It will influence you towards more positive action.
Spending time with people like that WILL influence you. If you're trying to become rich, and your friends complain constantly that it's impossible to get anywhere in life, good luck. If you have even one friend who tells you something positive, perhaps who says "You look like someone who could be really successful," then you have a shot.
Everyone has friends, or at least acquaintances. Our population is also full of muggers, murderers, thieves, sociopaths, and all kinds of other people with qualities that are less dramatic, but equally harmful to you. Negative people who will dampen your enthusiasm, drain your energy, drain your bank account, be sure to hug you when they've just come down with the flu, gossip about you, and so on.
Whether these people are bad or good really isn't the point, but the fact that they can destroy your goals, your happiness or your life, is the point.
These negative influences might have a bigger impact on your goals to have a happy life than being friends with a murderer or mugger, etc. Because at least you can see that clearly for what it is, and avoid it (hopefully!).
If you're feeling stuck, unsuccessful, broke, negative. If you find yourself gossiping constantly, or looking for ways to tear others down. Or perhaps if you're always looking for that easy answer, that new angle, regardless of whether it hurts others or not. You may have fallen into a dangerous situation of being influenced by people who don't have your (or anyone's) best interest at heart.
The less time you spend with negative people, the more time you have to spend with positive people.
1. The first step is to ask yourself, "what do I want most this year?" (Money, love, a home, better relationships, health, etc.)
2. Make a plan for that one goal and write it down. "This year I will ____."
3. Look for people who have the qualities you need to develop in yourself. Befriend them (not to get something in return, but to instead look for ways to help THEM and bring goodness to their lives). It will be appreciated by them.
4. Limit your time spent with people who act in ways (or speak in ways) that derail your efforts.
5. Take daily action and you WILL reach success.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Are you LAZY? Or just in the wrong life?
My opinion is that no one is lazy when they are going after something they WANT and care about. When our goals don't match who we are, that's when we notice a symptom -- we just don't do very much. And that can appear like laziness.
Let me give you an example from my own life...
I clearly remember a moment, living in Phoenix Arizona, sitting hunched at my computer, bored, not sure what I wanted to do. Knowing it wasn't the right city for me, but not knowing which city was. Bored with my writing job. Single, and my friends all lived between 30 minutes to an hour drive away. And I was eating hummus and pita chips, and a piece of that chip flew onto the floor. I stared at it for a long time, and I realized I had no motivation to pick it up. None. I let it sit there for a long, long time. I was somewhat horrified at myself for just letting the thing sit there, but I was also aware that part of me just didn't feakin care. And it wasn't just that pita chip, but every aspect of my life (and in that bored feeling, I realized that entire life just had to be torn down and crumble to pieces). It had to decay into dust just like that pita chip. Only then could I build something new.
A lot of changes happened, and then not so long after I was walking unfamiliar streets in NYC, and wondering which way was north, and how people made friends here. And then not so long after, I was surrounded by warm friends, enjoying my business I'd started, married, and doing all the things I'd so wanted to...but I remember wondering if it was all possible.
When pita chips fall to the floor now, I pick them up. Because I want to. When you're in a life you enjoy, it becomes easy to do small and large things. Otherwise, you feel lazy, but you're not -- you're just in the wrong thing.
Coaching can help you find YOUR thing. The right thing for you.
www.yourdreamslifecoach.com -- fill out the form. Include your email adresss, and you will have rates emailed to you.
Let me give you an example from my own life...
I clearly remember a moment, living in Phoenix Arizona, sitting hunched at my computer, bored, not sure what I wanted to do. Knowing it wasn't the right city for me, but not knowing which city was. Bored with my writing job. Single, and my friends all lived between 30 minutes to an hour drive away. And I was eating hummus and pita chips, and a piece of that chip flew onto the floor. I stared at it for a long time, and I realized I had no motivation to pick it up. None. I let it sit there for a long, long time. I was somewhat horrified at myself for just letting the thing sit there, but I was also aware that part of me just didn't feakin care. And it wasn't just that pita chip, but every aspect of my life (and in that bored feeling, I realized that entire life just had to be torn down and crumble to pieces). It had to decay into dust just like that pita chip. Only then could I build something new.
A lot of changes happened, and then not so long after I was walking unfamiliar streets in NYC, and wondering which way was north, and how people made friends here. And then not so long after, I was surrounded by warm friends, enjoying my business I'd started, married, and doing all the things I'd so wanted to...but I remember wondering if it was all possible.
When pita chips fall to the floor now, I pick them up. Because I want to. When you're in a life you enjoy, it becomes easy to do small and large things. Otherwise, you feel lazy, but you're not -- you're just in the wrong thing.
Coaching can help you find YOUR thing. The right thing for you.
www.yourdreamslifecoach.com -- fill out the form. Include your email adresss, and you will have rates emailed to you.
What does a life coach do?
As a life coach in NYC, you wouldn't imagine how many people ask me "What do you do??? How does it work??" So some explanation...
So let me explain what Julie Melillo Life Coaching is all about. Coaches all work a bit differently, but this is what's important to me:
1. You know more about yourself and your problem than I do (or than I ever could -- you've lived with it for WAY longer than I have).
2. You are smart/creative and full of strengths.
3. You are FULL of potential.
4. My goal is to unlock this awesome potential (so yes, you are basically your own treasure chest of potential).
4. Once we find "the key," we make sure you know how this process works, so that you can continue to do what works, for the rest of your life.
5. This process happens ASAP -- as fast as you are comfortable with.
Picture this:Weekly, we lounge at a swanky hotel lounge/favorite coffee place/ your conference room at work/your office/or perhaps you even want to wander your favorite park on a gorgeous sunny day. So, as we toast our coffees/bottled waters and discover your dreams (and challenges), we not only have a great time, but "oh look, we've just plotted your action plans for the next 30 days. And a few sessions later, you might just blurt out "your greatest passion or purpose in life. All those years of not knowing, and then bam, you've just discovered it! Knowing this, the doing is easy. And one day you wake up and are surprised to be living the life you know you've always dreamed of.
I've sat with CEOs, pro sports players, entrepreneurs, artists, actors/models, financial traders...and they've had goals like these "I want to make more money, I want to be financially secure so I can get married, I want to find out what my dream job is, I want to do my thing without my parents insisting I do the family business, I want to finally get a great job, to find the right person for me, to get out of debt, I want more friends in the city, I want to lose 10 pounds, I want to discover my purpose in life," "and perhaps there is a goal that you or someone you know has?
I don't give advice or tell you what you already know. Our work together allows YOU to change the impossible, to the possible. Fast results that last.
The impossible becomes possible. The frustrating and overwhelming becomes a small challenge, easily overcome during the following weeks. The vision takes shape, and the necessary actions become obvious.
And the process (while demanding), is also FUN for both of us.
Can you see the satisfaction as we enthusiastically work towards CREATING the life of your dreams, welcoming YOUR STRENGTHS, and using action-oriented weekly tasks you commit to (while being aware of how EVERY area of your life currently influences the rest). The satisfaction of the results you create, as improving one area immediately influences the rest of your life.
The end result (depending on how quickly you dive in -- you set the pace) is BIG improvements for your career/business, or dating/relationships -- ALL possible with a 7-week coaching package. Get for yourself, or give as a gift certificate for the holidays.
Get the 7-session (in-person) coaching package and save $300 off the regular in-person rate. This includes 2 FREE sessions, and unlimited coaching email responses during your almost 2 months of coaching!
"www.yourdreamslifecoach.com -- fill out the form to have complete rates and package discounts emailed to you.
So let me explain what Julie Melillo Life Coaching is all about. Coaches all work a bit differently, but this is what's important to me:
1. You know more about yourself and your problem than I do (or than I ever could -- you've lived with it for WAY longer than I have).
2. You are smart/creative and full of strengths.
3. You are FULL of potential.
4. My goal is to unlock this awesome potential (so yes, you are basically your own treasure chest of potential).
4. Once we find "the key," we make sure you know how this process works, so that you can continue to do what works, for the rest of your life.
5. This process happens ASAP -- as fast as you are comfortable with.
Picture this:Weekly, we lounge at a swanky hotel lounge/favorite coffee place/ your conference room at work/your office/or perhaps you even want to wander your favorite park on a gorgeous sunny day. So, as we toast our coffees/bottled waters and discover your dreams (and challenges), we not only have a great time, but "oh look, we've just plotted your action plans for the next 30 days. And a few sessions later, you might just blurt out "your greatest passion or purpose in life. All those years of not knowing, and then bam, you've just discovered it! Knowing this, the doing is easy. And one day you wake up and are surprised to be living the life you know you've always dreamed of.
I've sat with CEOs, pro sports players, entrepreneurs, artists, actors/models, financial traders...and they've had goals like these "I want to make more money, I want to be financially secure so I can get married, I want to find out what my dream job is, I want to do my thing without my parents insisting I do the family business, I want to finally get a great job, to find the right person for me, to get out of debt, I want more friends in the city, I want to lose 10 pounds, I want to discover my purpose in life," "and perhaps there is a goal that you or someone you know has?
I don't give advice or tell you what you already know. Our work together allows YOU to change the impossible, to the possible. Fast results that last.
The impossible becomes possible. The frustrating and overwhelming becomes a small challenge, easily overcome during the following weeks. The vision takes shape, and the necessary actions become obvious.
And the process (while demanding), is also FUN for both of us.
Can you see the satisfaction as we enthusiastically work towards CREATING the life of your dreams, welcoming YOUR STRENGTHS, and using action-oriented weekly tasks you commit to (while being aware of how EVERY area of your life currently influences the rest). The satisfaction of the results you create, as improving one area immediately influences the rest of your life.
The end result (depending on how quickly you dive in -- you set the pace) is BIG improvements for your career/business, or dating/relationships -- ALL possible with a 7-week coaching package. Get for yourself, or give as a gift certificate for the holidays.
Get the 7-session (in-person) coaching package and save $300 off the regular in-person rate. This includes 2 FREE sessions, and unlimited coaching email responses during your almost 2 months of coaching!
"www.yourdreamslifecoach.com -- fill out the form to have complete rates and package discounts emailed to you.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Verbal/Emotional Abuse - Can be more harmful than physical abuse
Many of my clients find themselves facing barriers outside of their own control. However, one of the most harmful barriers are negative people in my clients' lives who refuse to be supportive of new goals and dreams. Negative people WILL hold you back. They can influence your mindset, leading you to doubt yourself.
Taking this a step further, many people in my clients' lives (even well-meaning friends or family) may go beyond not being supportive, and enter into the territory of Verbal or Emotional abuse as a way to attempt to control and prevent change. Change is scary for people, however harming others as a way to prevent change is unacceptable.
Some examples:
"You're stupid."
"How do you expect to reach that goal? You can't even fold the laundry right."
"I said that to get you to shut up."
"You're worthless and fat."
"I don't know if I even love you anymore."
Ignoring.
Disrespecting you.
Refusing to speak to you.
However, any client facing Verbal or Emotional abuse should seek help from a counselor, as this type of abuse may escalate to physical abuse, or it may result in serious confidence issues or even future psychological problems. Coaching CAN'T help you with this, but a psychologist can.
Coaching can help you re-create a Success Mindset, which is vital for achievement of your goals. Limit time spent with abusive people. Increase time spent with people who love and build up your confidence.
Read the Wikipedia for more information:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_abuse
Verbal abuse (also called reviling or verbal attack) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral communication is its most common form, verbal abuse may be expressed in the form of written word as well.
Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. A single exposure to verbal assault can be enough to significantly affect a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.
Verbal abuse is best described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of verbal abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him or herself. The abuser attempts to place their victim in a position to believe similar things about him or herself, a form of warped projection.
Reports of verbal and emotional abuse indicate that it frequently occurs in romantic relationships between men and women, where women are generally reported as the victims.[1][2] However, verbal abuse may occur to a person of any gender, race, culture, size, sexual orientation, or age.
Typically, verbal abuse increases in intensity over time and often escalates into physical abuse as well.
During intense verbal abuse, the victim usually suffers from low self-worth and low self-esteem. As a result, victims may fall into clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Despite the fact that it is the most common type of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other forms of abuse, because there is no visible proof. However in reality, moderate to severe cases of verbal abuse (especially in which the victim is under constant attack) can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse.
Verbal abuse starting from a young age contributes to inferiority complex, machismo attitudes, and other negative behaviors that plague many people into senior age.
People who feel they are being attacked by a verbal abuser on a regular basis should seek professional counsel and remove themselves from the negative environment whenever possible. Staying around verbal abusers is damaging for a person's overall well-being, and all steps to change the situation should be pursued.
Signs of verbal abuse
The way to recognize signs of verbal abuse in an unhealthy relationship is to simply know what a healthy relationship looks like. Consider the things people value in a healthy and strong relationship. These could be respect, acceptance, trustworthiness, and honesty with the freedom and safety to express oneself within healthy boundaries. When we think about what constitutes a healthy relationship, it becomes easier to identify when we are in an unhealthy relationship.
Signs of verbal abuse exhibited by the abuser are:
* Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.
* A manipulation of words.
* Purposeful humiliation of others.
* Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.
* Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.
* Making others feel unwanted and unloved.
* Threatening to leave the family destitute.
* Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.
* Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family.
* Harassment
* Threatening to do any type of harm to a family member or friend
* Jekyll and Hyde behaviors, in terms of sudden rages or behavioral changes: where there is a very different "face" shown to the outside world versus towards victim.
Once the victim identifies and recognizes the signs of verbal abuse, the victim can be more proactive in finding help. If left too long in an abusive relationship, the person will start feeling hopeless.[citation needed]
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Taking this a step further, many people in my clients' lives (even well-meaning friends or family) may go beyond not being supportive, and enter into the territory of Verbal or Emotional abuse as a way to attempt to control and prevent change. Change is scary for people, however harming others as a way to prevent change is unacceptable.
Some examples:
"You're stupid."
"How do you expect to reach that goal? You can't even fold the laundry right."
"I said that to get you to shut up."
"You're worthless and fat."
"I don't know if I even love you anymore."
Ignoring.
Disrespecting you.
Refusing to speak to you.
However, any client facing Verbal or Emotional abuse should seek help from a counselor, as this type of abuse may escalate to physical abuse, or it may result in serious confidence issues or even future psychological problems. Coaching CAN'T help you with this, but a psychologist can.
Coaching can help you re-create a Success Mindset, which is vital for achievement of your goals. Limit time spent with abusive people. Increase time spent with people who love and build up your confidence.
Read the Wikipedia for more information:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_abuse
Verbal abuse (also called reviling or verbal attack) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral communication is its most common form, verbal abuse may be expressed in the form of written word as well.
Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. A single exposure to verbal assault can be enough to significantly affect a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.
Verbal abuse is best described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of verbal abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him or herself. The abuser attempts to place their victim in a position to believe similar things about him or herself, a form of warped projection.
Reports of verbal and emotional abuse indicate that it frequently occurs in romantic relationships between men and women, where women are generally reported as the victims.[1][2] However, verbal abuse may occur to a person of any gender, race, culture, size, sexual orientation, or age.
Typically, verbal abuse increases in intensity over time and often escalates into physical abuse as well.
During intense verbal abuse, the victim usually suffers from low self-worth and low self-esteem. As a result, victims may fall into clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Despite the fact that it is the most common type of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other forms of abuse, because there is no visible proof. However in reality, moderate to severe cases of verbal abuse (especially in which the victim is under constant attack) can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse.
Verbal abuse starting from a young age contributes to inferiority complex, machismo attitudes, and other negative behaviors that plague many people into senior age.
People who feel they are being attacked by a verbal abuser on a regular basis should seek professional counsel and remove themselves from the negative environment whenever possible. Staying around verbal abusers is damaging for a person's overall well-being, and all steps to change the situation should be pursued.
Signs of verbal abuse
The way to recognize signs of verbal abuse in an unhealthy relationship is to simply know what a healthy relationship looks like. Consider the things people value in a healthy and strong relationship. These could be respect, acceptance, trustworthiness, and honesty with the freedom and safety to express oneself within healthy boundaries. When we think about what constitutes a healthy relationship, it becomes easier to identify when we are in an unhealthy relationship.
Signs of verbal abuse exhibited by the abuser are:
* Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.
* A manipulation of words.
* Purposeful humiliation of others.
* Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.
* Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.
* Making others feel unwanted and unloved.
* Threatening to leave the family destitute.
* Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.
* Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family.
* Harassment
* Threatening to do any type of harm to a family member or friend
* Jekyll and Hyde behaviors, in terms of sudden rages or behavioral changes: where there is a very different "face" shown to the outside world versus towards victim.
Once the victim identifies and recognizes the signs of verbal abuse, the victim can be more proactive in finding help. If left too long in an abusive relationship, the person will start feeling hopeless.[citation needed]
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