Spring

Spring is a beautiful time of new beginnings.

It's a time to plant new flowers, and to watch old seeds finally blossom.

It's also a time to clear out the plans that have failed, and are withering, and the weeds that are simply taking up space and draining away sunlight and soil nutrients from the good flowers that need these resources.

What do you need to uproot?

What do you need to plant?

What are you excited to see finally blossom?

Remember that even a blank plot of soil is a beautiful thing -- so if you life feels empty and depressing, you have a whole endless field of raw potential to work with -- plan exactly what you want, uproot what you don't, and watch your field become a beautiful place to be.

Can you see yourself running through the fields, laughing -- smiles lit with golden sunlight --joking with others, chasing children, or whatever beautiful things you can imagine? See it, and know that your vision will be created by your intention, your actions, and your strong belief that YOU CAN CREATE anything you set your mind to.

Even if ahead of you is a field of weeds to be pulled, endless brown ugly dirt -- know all that matters are the seeds in your pocket. And plant.

Some will be flowers, some weeds, but all the matters is that you sow the seeds.

Promise-breakers revealed

Promises may fit the friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies. ~Benjamin Franklin

Promises are agreements which bond people together, both in relationships and business. And breaking promises is a great way to create distrust, weak relationships, and lack of cooperation -- it's an antisocial behavior, much like lying, that can be extremely destructive to relationships, both in business and personal life.


A new study shows the people who break promises have different brain activity than those who don't. Despite the fact that both initially appear the same as they swear to keep their promise.

The study from the University of Zurich revealed that brain activity may reveal malicious intentions far before the deceit is performed -- breaking a promise triggers an emotional conflict as the promise-breaker struggles to provide an honest-seeming response -- this shows up on the brain scans.

Perhaps in the future you may be able to scan a murder's brain to see if they will in fact plan on harming again? Or perhaps you'll be able to tell if your date really does in intend to do what he says he will?

http://www.physorg.com/news179585680.html
published in the journal Neuron on December 10, 2009.

TIPS TO KEEP YOUR PROMISES:

Are you a promise breaker? If you strongly insist you aren't, you may in fact BE a promise breaker. Those who break promises often FEEL that they keep their word, as explained below. Try these tips.

1. GET REAL -- People who make promises need to live with themselves, so they write elaborate stories that explain away any wrong-doing. "Well it wasn't my fault I didn't show up on Friday, because I always get stuck at the office and she should have known I have a tough job and can't always make it to places." Believing these elaborate fantasies is a way to avoid dealing with the real problem: you break promises. When you find yourself explaining away your last broken promise (either to yourself or others) STOP, and take responsibility instead. You CHOSE to break a promise -- it's as simple as that.

2. ADMIT THE MISTAKE -- The best way to re-build trust after a broken promise is to admit what you've done. We all make decisions -- decisions don't just land in our laps. Tell the person you've let down that you understand what you've done. Of course, only do this if you DO understand the harm you've caused. Otherwise, that would be called lying. "Look Jane, I'm sorry I didn't show up for your concert like I promised. I'm sure that hurt you to not see me at the after party. I made a mistake by committing, when I wasn't sure I could make it."

3. REMEDY THE MISTAKE -- A promise is a debt that you intend to pay. Not paying it makes you an unreliable debter. You now have to 1) show that you can be reliable, and 2) You still owe the debt (your promise that you made). To remedy the situation, make a new promise (of equal or greater value) to repay that initial broken one. And KEEP it. If you break this promise twice, you're pretty much going to be shown the door. "Jane I'm so sorry I couldn't make it and let you down. I know it doesn't fix the past, but perhaps this weekend I could take you to an orchestra concert that I think you'll enjoy. I promise I will make it this time, and if work comes up, I'll leave anyway."

4. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU COMMIT TO -- The saying goes, "A promise, like a baby, is easy to make and hard to deliver." A promise is truly a debt you intend to pay someone -- so don't take on those debts carelessly, unless you want to breed a lot of distrust, anger and hurt in your relationships. Some people try to please everyone, saying "yes" and "sure I'll be there!" This may be due either to a fear that people will reject them if they say "no" or an inflated sense of confidence -- they truly believe they CAN do it all, and don't realize they end up dropping half those balls in the air every time. Of course, either way, letting half of the people down in the end pleases no one, and ends up angering the very people they feared saying "no" to intially, making it more likely the person will be rejected.

When someone asks a favor of you...
1) Consider if you WANT to do it?
2) Consider if you CAN do it?
3) Consider if you WILL do it -- will you do it 100%? Your only excuse would be getting hit by a bus and dying. Otherwise, you'll be held responsible.
4) Consider if something else comes up, will you STILL do it?

ONLY THEN, if all 4 categories are fulfilled, should you say "SURE, I PROMISE TO DO IT." If all 4 are not 100% DON'T PROMISE.

Try these tips and perhaps you can improve your promises, which makes for stronger relationships, better businesses and careers, and happier lives.

photo from: free digital photos. net

WHY MISTAKES ARE GOOD FOR US

Mistakes are a good thing that allow us to fine-tune, realize when we're off course, and make a better choice next time. 1) own up, 2) Learn 3) Forgive yourself 4) Choose a new choice next time. Don't fear the mistake. Fear not fixing it.

Making mistakes help us to break through to the next level. They help us fine-tune.

Don't fear making a mistake.

Does anyone remember learning to ice-skate or roller skate? There is a point where a beginner is able to stand up on the skates and hesitantly move forward, without falling. "Yay, no falling!"

However, are they really "skating?" Not really. I mean, look at any rink at the beginners who look like terrified stiff robots -- they're able to somehow propel themselves forward, seemingly without moving their arms or legs. They appear to need a push from a friend to pick up any speed. They've found one way to "skate" that includes holding their body in a stiff way, and they look pretty ridiculous as they "move" along, knowing if they were to move any limbs -- or even a pinki toe -- they would probably fall.

Side note -- This is how most of us live our lives -- We say "well, I'm still standing! So I'll just keep doing this (going to this job, staying in this relationship, etc.) "Maybe it's not perfect, but at least I won't fall!" And no, you won't fall. But you won't skate either! You won't live your life to the fullest or use your potential either.

Now back to the skating rink -- unless these beginning skaters plan on always looking like a ridiculous robot, they are going to have to take things to the next level. They are certainly going to have to fall in order to learn the next stages of skating.

Ironic isn't it? To learn to skate better, you have to be willing to fall.

"Hmm maybe I'll move my leg out here" *splat*. You fall. And you learn NOT to move your leg that way. "Maybe I'll put my leg over here" *you don't fall, but glide along beautifully. You keep that technique. And so on.

Without the falls, there is no learning or knowledge. There is no improvement.

So when you're facing a fall, remember, it's how we learn.

THIS IS HOW THE PROCESS WORKS:

1) own up -- you must acknowledge that you've just fallen; otherwise you won't learn. If you deny it "That wasn't a fall, it was a slip." Then you WON'T learn. So own up. "Okay, I made a mistake." If your mistake involves others, apologize to them too. If you're part of a skating duo and you drop your partner, tell them you're sorry.

2) Learn -- What is the lesson here? It's not that you're a terrible person. It's that you need to choose a new action next time. This action didn't work. So learn that lesson.

3) Forgive yourself -- beating yourself up for years "I'm such a horrible skater, I can't believe I fell! I suck" will get you no where. So feel some pain, but then make a conscious choice to forgive yourself. We all deserve to be forgiven. Take away the lesson, forget the rest.

4) Choose a new choice next time -- what will you do next time this comes up? Have your choice already decided and clear in your mind. "Next time I'll keep my balance."

5) Don't fear future mistakes -- Fear not fixing it. Mistakes will happen whenever you learn something new. And if you're living to the fullest, you'll be learning new things everyday.

photos from: www. freedigitalphotos net

Emotion versus logic in decisions. Which is the "better" approach?

How often do you hear people say to "follow your heart" or to "make a pro/con" list? There is much debate about the best way to make decisions, and you hear it everyday -- especially during rush hour on the subway: "You're so illogical!" or "You have no heart!"

Surprisingly, neither emotion or logic is the best way to make a decision.

What is the better choice? Go with your gut! Your gut seamlessly combines all of the information from both your logical left brain, and the information from your emotional right brain, and spits out a perfect solution that resonates and feels "right" to both your logic and emotional sides.

That's right, both logic and emotion is a limited source of information. Your logic is like a computer print-out with a list of facts. Your emotions are like the indicator lights on your car dash board, alerting you to possible problems within the car. Both contain valuable sources of information when making a decision, but neither approach allows us to see the full picture.

Now, here comes your gut instinct, your intuition, a strong sense of things being on the right track, or NOT.

However, most of us choose to ignore this brilliant gut-instinct approach to decision-making, and instead rely heavily either on logic (especially those in business, sciences, or in corporate jobs), or on emotion (especially those who work in the arts, with people, or in creative fields).

BOTH logic and emotion are sources of solid information -- however -- it remains unprocessed until your gut instinct comes into play.



EXAMPLE OF LOGICAL-DECISION-MAKING FAILURE:

Your logic spits out a nice, neat little list of things that should make sense, like a computer print out of facts.

However, this list doesn't always apply to your life, your personality, and host of other factors. You can end up making a very foolish decision working from your logic alone.

1) Example -- If your logic tells you, "Always purchase the cheaper product to save money." and you're faced with a decision of choosing a surgeon for open heart surgery -- one doctor charges $500 less. The other doctor has a better reputation for keeping people alive. Your logic chimes in "Look, we're saving $500!" So you select that option. Neglecting to notice a host of other considerations you should be making, such as the value of your life, how comfortable you'll be in the shady cheaper doctor's operating table, lingering infections that could cost you more money long-term due to poor care, or the fact that some things may be more important to you than money -- such as your life.

Let's say you go with the cheaper doctor, and die. But you did save $500! Was that the best decision? Obviously not.

2) Another example -- your logic tells you "Save money on groceries! They are cheaper across town at the ghetto market." You drive an hour across town. You save $20 on groceries, however, you've also spent $15 on gas and wasted about two hours of your time -- time which you could have spend applying to new jobs which could result in a $20,000 pay increase for the next year. Can we say "penny-wise, pound foolish?"

You did save $20 though. Wasn't that logical of you?

Yes, both of these examples are logically sound. You saved $500 in the first example, and you saved $20 in the second, which makes sense since purchasing cheaper products DOES save money.

EXAMPLE OF FEELING-DECISION-MAKING FAILURE:

Emotion also can lead you astray. Feeling provides you with important feedback about how your body is reacting to your thoughts . Feelings of happiness, fear, etc., will show you which thoughts you have been thinking.

1) Example -- If you are thinking "I love to buy new electronics! It's exhilarating!" Then you will feel an over whemling sense of joy as you walk through the electronics store.

As you approach a giant television that costs $1000, your emotions again alert you "WE ARE THINKING GOOD THINGS! I'M FEELING HAPPY!" Basing your decision off of emotion alone will lead you to purchase this television, neglecting the logic of the situation: you are in debt, and you don't have $1000.

Sure, you will feel fantastic! However, you've just gotten yourself deeper into debt. When the bill arrives later this month, you're going to feel anxious and depressed. Was that really the best decision to buy the television?

2) Another example -- You walk through the grocery store, and notice yourself feeling really happy as you walk through the expensive health food section. You feel a surge of joy, as you stuff your basket full of the priciest options you've ever seen. Then you attack the specialty cheese sections, throwing in $9 cheese wheels, and adding in some expensive wine.

"This feels great! It's like I'm changing my whole life for the better!"

You feel fantastic. Until you leave the check-out stand and look at your receipt. $350 for groceries! How is that even possible! Now you can't even pay your utility bill this month.

Was that the best decision? Of course not.

You get the idea. Neither logic or feeling alone paint the whole picture of what the best decision really is.





HOW TO USE YOUR GUT INSTINCT TO MAKE DECISIONS:

To combine your logic and emotion together into a stellar approach that really does result in drastically improved decisions -- it's what I train my entrepreneurs, financial traders and CEOs to do, a well as my single clients who are dating -- they all use this approach. You'll notice a big improvement in the quality of your decisions.

1) Sit down, be quiet, and listen to yourself -- this is really hard to do. Your instinct will be to go back to watching TV, reading, paying bills or whatever mindless tasks you usually use to distract yourself (from yourself -- and how ridiculous is that? When you have brilliant solutions already, just waiting to be discovered!)

2) Ask yourself the question you need answered. "What should I do about ____.

3) Allow yourself to ponder for a solid minute.

4) If you still don't have an answer, e.g., you feel torn, confused, pulled in two directions, or have a feeling of "I just don't know!" - - that's a clue you aren't yet tuned into your intuition. Remove the element that is pulling you in two directions -- for instance, if your issue is cost, take cost out of the equation. If your issue is letting someone down, take that off the table.

5) Again allow yourself to ponder for a solid minute "What should I do?"

6) Almost always within 5 minutes you'll have an answer. You may need to repeat the question a few times.

ONLY 5 MINUTES TO A BRILLIANT SOLUTION! Why don't we always operate this way? Because it's PAINFUL the first time you do it, because it flies in the face of what you're used to.

But it's really not so bad. You're rewarded with the perfect answer that you have consciously decided.

Of course, there are more in-depth steps to the process, including learning the signals your body gives you when you are in a "place of intuition" and those that signal you are blocking yourself, as well as what to do about that. If you need more in-depth help with this, contact me for a coaching session.

Conscious decisions feel darn good. Why? Because you're making a choice, instead of allowing life to pass you by and have others make decisions for you.

This is the reason most of us have for having NO IDEA how to make a good, gut-instinct-decision for ourselves.




THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE DECISIONS THAT WORK FOR YOU

When you're a 5-year-old, you're forced to have MOST of the decisions in your life made for you. You're lucky if someone asks what color shirt you want to wear today. And there isn't much option here: if you want to be taken care of and survive, you've gotta give in, and go with the flow.

But today, as an ADULT, you are given the freedom to select things you actually WANT for your life.

The problem is that many of us have been trained from a young age to automatically accept OTHER people's DECISIONS as our own. Even if those decisions are the wrong ones for you.

This means you're not trained to understand your own power for making decisions, and it leaves you feeling powerless, like a victim, and like you are floating along on a river waiting for something to happen -- this truly is the life of a 5-year-old. Passive.

It's not the life of the adult you're meant to be. So choose to make these decisions, consciously, as an adult should, and to make them SOUND, good, and brilliant decisions using the process above.

Let me show you what a good decision sounds like:

"I really pondered this. Initially, I wanted to hire a cheaper doctor to save money. I think saving money makes sense. However, I then got an anxious feeling. I asked myself what that feeling was, and I realized I was scared a lesser-known doctor might not perform as well. I thought about it more, and asked myself, "What's more important to me: my life or the cost of the surgery?" I then realized I really value my life most of all. It makes the most sense to go with a better doctor, even if I initially lose some money. I can make more money in my career, and I plan on working extra hours to make that money later this year, but I can never get my life back if I die under the knife of someone with a poor reputation."

This example shows a person going through a process of considering both logic and emotion, but ultimately deciding based on a gut-instinct feeling, which is bolded above. There is a sense of clarity, and the decision may even feel obvious to you.

Good luck in adding this process to your daily life!

photos above: free digital photos.net

How to know if you are being used

It happens at work, in business, and in our personal lives. There is a person who seems nice, always ready to help you out -- HOWEVER, you have a nagging feeling of insecurity. Are you being used? Or is it something else?

This is how to tell if you are being used:

1) FEAR -- If you ever denied one of their requests, you FEAR a negative reaction, perhaps they would even fire you, de-friend you, or terminate whatever relationship you currently have.
This is the number one SIGN that you are being used! ding, ding, ding!

Users send messages that denying their request would spell doom for you -- and this is how they manipulate you.

If you are worried that saying any of the following "No, sorry, I can't finish that extra report tonight; I can't help you move; I won't do your homework for you this time; I can't make it tonight; or I don't have time to help you buy a new TV," then you are probably dealing with a people-user.

Whether you CHOOSE to ALLOW them to manipulate you, is up to you.

2) FAVORS -- Users try their best to appear helpful at all times. They'll do a (very small) favor for you and then use that create a sense of guilt and obligation in you. They'll remind you frequently of "all they did for you" to make you see how they are entitled to whatever they are asking for (or likely, demanding). Beware of the person who constantly offers small things. "Hey, I can put you in touch with this person!" or "I have a book to give to you" or "I got you this amazing gift!" The user magnifies the importance of these small favors as VERY IMPORTANT. It's not a side note, it's a BIG deal. They WILL expect you to repay these HUGE favors of course!

Sometimes they will do a larger favor for you also (something very important to you), but keep in mind -- they will expect 5x the value of whatever favor they do for you. They'll lend you $100 and expect you to lend them $1000. And they'll expect you'll be forever indebted to them.

3) NO ROOM FOR YOUR NEEDS -- a user could care less about YOUR needs. They only care about their OWN NEEDS. This is why they are a user. So if you mention your needs, they will IGNORE them, or even ARGUE with you. They'll try to convince you why their way makes the most sense.

"Why do you need to work Sat? You need to help me move. It's very important. I helped you with that BIG favor when I put you in touch with so-and-so."

"I know you're tired, but it's really important that you give me a ride home. You don't want me stranded here do you?"

Um, hello! EVERYONE has needs. So why are you sacrificing your own in favor of the users? Playing a martyr will NEVER be rewarded by a user. It's a green light encouraging the user to USE YOU even more often.

4) THEY PLAY ON YOUR INSECURITIES -- What are your insecurities? Discover what your insecurities are, because users will play on them. If you feel a little bit not as pretty or handsome as you should be, the user will be quick with a compliment. This is a girl who says "Wow, great shirt" while squeezing your (possibly imaginary) biceps, or the guy who says "Amazing dress" when you kinda know it's kinda not that stunning. Then they'll be quick to ask for a favor, "Hey would you mind doing_____." You are of course still starry-eyed from that compliment, and quickly agree to do inconvenient things. Wash, rinse and repeat.

Are you insecure about your: looks, education, smarts, job, fitness level, background? Notice people who seem eager with compliments in the areas you feel most insecure about. You BROADCAST to others your insecurities, even if you don't realize it. This gives users the ability to use you.

5) TRY DENYING A REQUEST -- To test if this person is a user, try denying a request. Are they able to handle it? Can they understand you have your own life, needs and things you need to do? Sure, a non-user might be upset for a minute, but will ultimately understand. A user will NOT understand. They'll NEVER get your perspective. They will not forgive you for denying a request, and they might even threaten you with harmful things -- "I'll fire you, defriend you, etc." This a clear sign to GET THE HECK OUT of this situation.

A good non-user person may get upset, but they will ultimately understand, and they won't de-friend you or fire you. They'll be reasonable. Maybe you can't work 17 hours today, they get it. Maybe you can't help them move into a 5-flight walk-up apartment when your knee is busted. They understand. THE USER WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

So look at your own list of business associates, friends, acquaintances, even family members. Who are the users on your list?

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE USER

1. When asked for a request, ask for time to think it over. Say "Let me check my calendar, check with my spouse, ask my boss if I have to work, etc."

2. Think to yourself "Do I really want to do this?" If the feeling of obligation weren't there, would I do it?

3. If you don't want to do it, politely decline. If you GENUINELY are thrilled to do it, then do. Give a reasonable reason why you're choosing not to.

4. Accept that the user may get extremely upset -- it's what they do. Remember that a good person will want you in their life (FOR YOU -- you are enough, and they'll want to spend time with you), regardless of whether you help pick up their laundry on Tuesday or not. If you want to, tell the user "I know you want this, but I hope you understand that I have my own life and things that are important to me too. I know it's difficult to not get what you want sometimes, but that's how relationships are. I need you to realize that we both have things we want, and while I wish I could give you all you ask for, there will be times I can't."

5. Be courageous and know that a good relationship will endure. And a bad one will break. Either way, it's ultimately for the best!! Negative people are toxic and can prevent you from being happy.

6. Seek out non-users. The more people you have who support and sincerely care for you, the less need you will have to have users in your life.

Good luck!

WHY USER'S USE

Unfortunately, users have learned that the ONLY way they can get what they want is through manipulation, guilt, or forcing others. This is unhealthy. It's a lack-mentality. It's a similar feeling a robber has "I have to steal this, because otherwise I'll never get it! (through legal means)"

Simiarly, the user fears that having a sincere relationship of give-and-take (the equivalent of a "legal" purchase) would mean their needs would go unmet. So they steal (from you, via a user-relationship). Sadly, they've had pasts that created this untrue belief, but now it's their responsibility to improve. Therapy is a great way for them to do that, but most will never admit they have a problem.

P.S.
If you're in a user-relationship, I can help you to deal with it in life coaching sessions. If you yourself are a user, I strongly suggest getting into therapy to improve your untrue beliefs. It's no fun to be a user, since your relationships aren't built on sincerity.

Micro-managers hurt performance...

A micro-manager is like a parent who forbids their child learn bicycle riding, because they might get hurt. And that child, lacking the experience to know how to ride a bike, risks getting severely hurt if they should ever hop on a two-wheeler. Versus the parent who lets the child learn (and fall off a few times), until they are a solid and strong bicycle rider. Giving a child, or an employee, that freedom creates a stronger performance.

This great article explains that micromanaging hurts performance by reducing an employee's ability to experiment and learn.

Three professors from Rice University and Harvard Business School examined the performance of "hosts" at six MGM-Mirage Group hotel/casinos -- hosts are suppose to give high-rollers comps (free hotel rooms, discounts, show tickets, etc.). These casinos keep careful track of high-roller data, and they know the amount a high-roller usually spends -- they give the 40 percent comp on the amount the high-roller is expected to spend, whether or not they actually spend that amount on any particular trip.

Hosts which were micromanged performed worst -- they gave away the wrong amount of comps. The opposite of what you'd expect from the "I'm watching you" approach their managers took. Why? Because they were so closely watched, they were afraid to take any risks or experiment, resulting in a lack of understanding of the process of comping. They didn't learn from mistakes, because they weren't allowed to make any. So ironically, they ended up making more mistakes.

Those hosts which were given freedom to experiment failed faster, quickly learning the right balance that resulted in the perfect 40 percent comp give-away.

By controlling these host employees too much, the managers prevented them from learning.

It's also a concept in parenting. To let your kids have structure, support, safety and love, but to also allow the freedom to be who they are, to learn and grow through experience.

This is really about giving others the freedom to be human. And to succeed in the ways we're meant to. Controlling others does not result in anything good except for a power-trip for the controller. Know anyone like that? I bet you do. Don't be that person.

So empower your people to fail faster, learn, experiment, and master their jobs. That requires support and structure, but also a certain degree of independence.

Give your employees this power. Don't smother your people, or your reduce performance (and profits of course).

P.S.
This is a similar concept to what I use in my life coaching sessions -- allowing clients freedom to learn and grow: to remove barriers, to not fear results, but to act. The action gets results, which can then be tweaked. Step by step, removing these barriers to success results in great performance by learning. Fail faster, learn faster, and succeed faster.

4 Conversations-Starting Tips for Your Next Network Event

Just appeared in this NFIB Small Business Article, 4 Conversations-Starting Tips for Your Next Network Event: http://www.nfib.com/nfib-on-the-move/nfib-on-the-move-item?cmsid=56447


4 Conversations-Starting Tips for Your Next Network Event

Networking for Small Business

Networking events can be awkward, leaving you with sweaty palms, and little return on your investment of time and energy. But done right, they can connect you with future customers, employees and a sprawling web of vital contacts to help you in a pinch.

Here are four tips to banish your inner wallflower and have great conversations at your next meet and greet.

1. Begin With the End in Mind

First things first: it’s important to know what you want out of a networking event by defining what success looks like, says Julie Melillo, a New York-based life and business coach who shepherds CEOs and entrepreneurs through the social side of business. “Do you want to leave this networking event with 50 business cards? Do you want to make one lasting friendship? Do you want people to remember you in the future? Getting clear on what reasonable goal you’re looking to attain is important,” she says. Your answer should inform your interactions for the rest of the event, she says.
2. Use a Closer to Open

Conventional wisdom holds that it’s best to start a conversation with an open-ended question—give your conversational partner a chance to talk about herself, the thinking goes.

Not so at networking events, says Melillo. An open-ended question can make another networker feel obligated to speak with you. On the other hand, “asking a close-ended question, ‘Oh hi, are you on the committee that runs this event?’ allows the other person the freedom to say ‘No, sorry,’ and leave. Or, ‘Yes, I am.’” If the other person seems interested in chatting, then follow up with an open-ended question, Melillo says.

3. Comment on Your Surroundings

Don’t feel like you have to be all business all the time, says Melillo. A great way to help the conversation along, she says, is to open with a remark on your mutual atmosphere. Melillo advises trying something like: “Wow they really have amazing work at this gallery, don’t they?” or “This brie is really good, have you tried it?” After you’ve posed your opening question, Melillo says, be sure to introduce yourself.
4. Relax. Remember, You’re Just Talking

Even after giving her clients a few basic tips, Melillo says she always reminds them to relax and enjoy the conversation. “There’s a lot of pressure to do it the right way,” Melillo says of networking. “When you rely on those rules too much, it can make you feel stifled and unnatural.” Here are some more networking tips to give you confidence.

If you accept the status quo and mediocrity...

If you accept the status quo and mediocrity, that's exactly what you'll get. Make conscious decisions. Stick to them, even if you have to fight for it. This is the DIFFERENCE between being happy and being anything else.

Do you want to die having hated 85 percent of your life? That's the path the MAJORITY of us are on. Change it. You can ENJOY and live your life. Or you can choose not to. This is a CHOICE.

You wouldn't imagine how many rich, beautiful and famous people are bitter. Miserable. Feeling thrown around by life and out of control. WHY? Because they don't make conscious decisions. This means they feel they have no control. And they don't. They're at the MERCY of whoever or whatever is around. "Bob said I had to, so I did." Or "I felt pressured, and my manager wanted me to." Or "My dad wants me to."

WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT?

You give up control and power by choice. Are you giving up yours?

Take it back.

This is how:

1. Ponder what you want. What feels right and full of integrity? What doesn't? Are you afraid something is too difficult and you might fail? Are you flip-flopping or blowing in the wind? That's a sign you need to show yourself your own STRENGTH. How about you just step up? You're stronger than you think.

2. Decide. Make a conscious decision. NO ONE forces you to do anything in life. If I put a gun to your head, you still the the choice to say "no" to my request. You have the choice to knock the gun out of my hand. You have the choice to do and think anything you'd like. USE IT, or else you are truly powerless, because you've decided to be. And you've crippled yourself.

WHAT DOES A CONSCIOUS DECISION LOOK LIKE?

These are big and small decisions you make daily. Some examples:

*I will go for this new job, even if it's hard.
*I will tell Samantha "no." Even if I want to change my mind.
*I will start my business no matter how difficult. I'll make the first phone call today.
*I promised Matt I'd help him move, and I will show up Saturday no matter what.
*I'm going to move to_____.
*I'm not going to spend the $500 for that dress, because I want to get out of debt.
*I'm going to eat this apple instead of that fried twinkie.
*I'm afraid if I tell Kelly the truth, she won't want to be friends with me -- but I'm going to tell her the truth. If she's a true friend, she still will be in my life.

Conscious decisions are about 1) deciding what you want, and 2) DOING IT. Even if it feels uncomfortable, scary or makes you feel afraid.

When you do this, you PROVE to yourself that you are living with integrity, that you are POWERFUL and strong. The proof is in the pudding. If you're letting other people down (and most importantly, yourself) then you are not living with integrity.

You are being swept along in the ocean. You have a surf board, but you are choosing to not use it. The waves are beating you up and carrying you wherever they'd like.

YOU HAVE CONTROL AND POWER SO LONG AS YOU CHOOSE TO USE IT.

Say no. Say yes. But decide clearly, and stick to it 100 percent.

It will completely change your life, and you will craft a successful, fulfilled life you enjoy if you do this. YES, IT'S CHALLENGING -- duh. But it's worth it.

affirmation for the day:

try repeating this to yourself five times throughout your day today!

"I am powerful, and I am building the life I want. If something isn't working, I'll find or create something new. I will navigate around obstacles, "no's", failures, roadblocks, closed doors, lack of experience -- these experiences will MOTIVATE me to find something new, and build my foundation of strength. Life is good (even if it's bad at this moment), because I'm building it to become what I want. I trust everything I need and want is on the way -- and when it comes rushing towards me, I will welcome it."