Is part of you not on board? Why We Lack Alignment, and How it Can Lead to Health Problems.

When contemplating your big goal, whether that's a new business, career change, finding a relationship, improving your health, etc., it can be easy to say "This will be easy. I know I want this!"

However, if you find yourself taking one step forward and two back, procrastinating, trying to convince yourself (or others) that "everything is fine" and "you're just taking a break," etc., you may have a part of you that's not on board with your goal. You may also experience anxiety whenever you attempt a task, or feel generally depressed with a "whatever" or "who cares" attitude.

This means there is a part of you that is not "on board" with your new goal. That's okay, because most of us experience this phenomenon when we tackle new goals. But there is a way to handle this, and there is a way this can destroy you.

To handle it, you need to DISCOVER what your inner conflict is. To have this destroy you? IGNORE. It can have devastating consequences, as I'll explain below.

People are complex, and we all have inner conflicts and parts of ourselves may not be "on board" with a new goal. The solution is to DISCOVER what your inner conflicts are, and you can then make new decisions -- decisions that ARE in alignment with your true values. Once you do this, it will be much faster to achieve results, and you won't experience nearly as much resistance, inner turmoil or stress when working towards a goal.

You simply CANNOT ignore the part of you that is NOT on board. It will never go away until it's dealt with. And if you ignore it, it will continue to create lots of stress in your life, and stress can lead to health problems. You'll feel like you are FORCING yourself to take action. It will exhaust you. And being exhausted is not a recipe for success.

A good illustration of this. I had a client in the city who was wanting to work on advancing his career -- an attractive and already successful guy. Well dressed, good personal skills, smart, etc. He was fully capable of getting to quite a high level. In fact, he said, "I'd never even considered it before, but I think I could handle being a CEO. I might really enjoy it!" There was a spark in his eyes as he realized this, and I could completely picture him on this path.

The reason he hired me, was because he really wanted more money (to help his family), but the conflict was that he was raised to be "a good guy" and not ask for too much in life. Asking for a promotion and being competitive -- to him -- meant being a "bad guy."

I tried to work on bringing this inner conflict out into the light of day, but he was adamant that he didn't want to "go there" and wanted to just talk about taking action on his goals. However, without addressing this inner conflict, he found himself very stressed and procrastinating on accomplishing these goals.

He told me that to get to the next level, he first needed to create a special presentation outside of work. Doing this task would get him noticed, and could lead to a promotion. He agreed to work for 4 hours on Sunday, yet he found himself spending time with friends instead. The inner conflict was rearing its ugly head. He felt confused he hadn't completed the task, but was full of excuses about why he didn't "have time" and I could see tons of anxiety surrounding him.

I again asked if he'd be willing to explore this possible conflict, of being a "bad guy," and again he said he didn't really want to do that "touchy feely stuff." We worked on other tasks instead, but he was IGNORING his inner conflict.

Part of him wanted the money -- his family in fact really needed him to make more. But part of him didn't want to be a "bad guy" who "makes too much money. Who wants to be a bad guy after all?

My clients are in the driver's seat, so when they choose to "not go there," it is fully their choice, and we will work on something else. Sadly, in this case, I saw this client grow more and more anxious in the course of several weeks.

This part of him was screaming, "STOP. You don't want to be a bad guy! Don't you dare make more money." Yet, he was forcing himself to continue. A true lack of alignment.

The result? He ended up in the hospital. I'm still waiting to hear if he's all right. I've thought of him a lot since then, and it's reminded how important it is to LISTEN to ourselves and our inner conflicts.

Once we listen to ourselves, and we GET the message from the part of you that isn't on board, we can make a new decision. This client could have changed his plan to make sure he still had enough time with his family, or ensured that he'd never be a "greedy evil rich person" once he made more money, or understood that his parents may have told him this out of their own guilt for not making enough money to support their own family, or addressed whatever the real aspects were, that made him into a "bad guy" the minute he made a lot of money.

If we could have LISTENED to his inner conflicts, we'd know why he really thought making money made him a "bad guy" and we could have addressed those concerns. He might have had some untrue thoughts, or he might have a deeply held value that he simply didn't believe in making a lot of money, etc. Then we could have made a new plan that incorporated his true values, and his true thoughts, so that he wouldn't be feeling such stress.

However, by ignoring it, the inner conflict won out. It pushed him to procrastinate, to feel stressed, anxious, depressed, and ultimately, this likely lead to his health problem.

I've had numerous other clients experience health problems when they've had a big inner-conflict. One of my past clients had cancer, and she felt it happened right after enduring a job that was stressful and not in line with her values. Another had a stomach flu that wouldn't quit -- it continued on for over a month! And it happened right after a break-up that she felt very conflicted about.

So how can you avoid this? How can you discover your inner conflicts, so you can know exactly what part of you isn't on board, and then create a new plan?

Think of something that's super easy for you to achieve. Let's say, brushing your teeth. Or taking a shower, or ordering a hamburger, or whatever task is effortless and non stressful for you. The reason this task is so simple, is because you don't have inner conflict -- this feels effortless, easy, non-stressful. Notice this feeling.

When all parts are on board, you don't feel resistance when you try to take action. It feels easy and free. What feels this way to you? Those are things where you have alignment.

For example, for me, I love to socialize. I feel great going to any social occasion, because I enjoy it, and I feel socializing is a good thing to do -- I'm in alignment here, and no part of me is not "on board" with this. However, I have a client who feels socializing is "wasting time," and "he's lazy if he socializes," so he of course feels anxious if he chooses to go to a party. The result is, he often feels so anxious that he avoids parties. And he's a naturally gregarious and social person.

So this gives you a clue. Think of what aspects of your life easily flow, and which are like pulling teeth. The pulling teeth areas reveal inner conflict.

The way you grew up, the blueprint you've always had for your life, the limitations you naturally place on yourself, etc., can all conflict with your "big new goal."

Think of your new goal, and write down the needed tasks. Try to take action, and notice if you feel any negative emotions -- anxiety, depression, annoyance, frustration, etc. This is a CLUE that you have an inner conflict. Ask yourself, "Is there a part of me not on board with this? And if so, why am I not on board?"

Once you have your answer, you can incorporate this valuable knowledge into your new plan. Either by correcting any untrue thoughts (such as believing that all rich people are evil Mr. Scrooges and you don't want to be like that!) or by truly changing your goal to take into account your values (such as if you really don't want to spend your newly-made millions on sports cars, but would rather create a non-profit with half of your new cash).

But whatever you do, LISTEN to the part of you that isn't on board. This unlocks your potential and brings you into alignment.

I know this is complicated stuff, and often it's difficult to identify our OWN inner-conflicts, since they can feel so buried. Contact me if you'd like coaching sessions to help you through this faster: www.yourdreamslifecoach.com for rates.