Why it's so hard to break habits -- blame your brain
Why is it so hard to learn something new? And so easy to do things out of habit? Even when you'd rather break a habit and do something completely new?
Have you ever struggled to break a habit? Whether that was bad eating, avoiding exercise, smoking, or thinking negative thoughts? Have you ever been so frustrated and given up, despite logically knowing the new habit or thoughts would do you good? You've probably heard a lot about "thinking new thoughts" and how important it is to do that. What we practice becomes habit, and habits are tough to break -- but how do you create new, better habits, when your brain seems to not want to help you out? And your behavior follows suit, creating a vicious cycle!
Instead of beating yourself up, understand why it happens. Habits are powerful, chemical and electrical processes that happen in your brain -- no wonder it's tough!
Let's break it down.
1. While you're sitting there frustrated, your brain's cells (neurons) are communicating via nerve endings (synapses and dendrites). These nerve endings are releasing chemical or electrical pulses to send a message to other cells in your brain. This is going on all the time, even right now.
2. You start with a weak link between new things. The neuropathways connecting cells will initially not be strong. When you decide to change your negative thought of "I'm so dumb" to a positive one of "I can learn new things" you are contending with a weak neuropathway.
Example:
Think of one nerve ending named Bob, and another Jane. Bob and Jane work in the same office, but don't know each other very well. Maybe they've seen each other around. Bob wants to get a message across to Jane, so he writes something on a notepad, and throws it across the room at her. Jane jumps, but gets the message.
Now, the first time your brain's cell nerve endings send a new message, that relationship between those cells is weak. Jane has never met Bob before and is thinking "Who is this guy? Why is he throwing note pads at me? Whatever. I don't even remember his name." So the pathway between those brain cells is weak.
This is why when you learn something new, it's difficult! Cell nerve endings are communicating but may have never even met! Jane doesn't know who the heck Bob even is. Of course it's tough to learn to ride a bike or remember French vocabulary or memorize a technical document at work. Your brain cells are struggling to form new neuropathways.
But in time, the neuropathways become stronger. Bob and Jane get to know each other -- a strong link between them develops where they send information rapidly back and forth. A line in the dirt becomes a road, which becomes a super fast highway. Now Jane can say "danish!" and Bob will start laughing at their inside joke.
Your neuropathways have dug a deep rut into your brain, linking thoughts together, and allowing Bob and Jane to throw info back and forth quickly and easily.
At this point, speaking French becomes second nature. Riding a bike seems to be something you've always known. Thinking you're an idiot because your older brother told you so seems to be a "fact." It of course takes quite a while to get to this point. Often years.
This is great for linking together important information that you want linked! Such as speaking a language or remembering the steps in a process, or the way home. It's also wonderful for continuing healthy habits that lead to accomplishing your goals faster. But it's very bad for trying to un-learn bad habits or learn new ones.
Examples of how your brain might be linking things together right now:
In a positive way :)
Feeling blah = go to the gym! :)
Looking for excitement = learn something new
Want a snack = something healthy and tasty
Want more money = find new ways to succeed at work
In not-so-positive of a way :(
Hungry = box of donuts
Angry = throw something
Looking for excitement = drag racing
Want more money = rob a liquor store
But unfortunately, when there is a strong neuropathway, it is a force to be reckoned with when you attempt to unlearn a habit, or re-learn something else. You need to literally break down one bridge and begin to travel over a new bridge. This takes a lot of practice, and some pain, as you are destroying the connections between existing cells.
What if instead of having "new challenge" linked with "fear," you had it linked with "excitement"? How would that change things?
Think of the bridges and links in your brain you'd like to tear down. The Bob and Jane relationships you'd like to sever, or build stronger. The areas of your life where you'd like to build something new. The dirt roads you'd like to construct into super fast highways. The super fast highways you'd like to permanently close.
Luckily, we do have the ability to change our habits, though it's certainly not easy.
You need to destroy an old habit, as you build a new one. Painful, not easy, but necessary. You have the power to link anything together in your brain -- so choose your connections carefully. Learn the ideas and concepts that will support your endeavors. Build your confidence with the best thoughts to support or motivate your actions. Remove the cell connections that are preventing positive action.
It's not easy, but you can discover which cell connections you currently have, which would better support your end goals, and make the shift by practicing immersing yourself in new thoughts and taking new, slightly scary actions. It's not an overnight process, but Life Coaching can help with every step. Contact me if you'd like a short complimentary phone consultation!
Wishing you success, excitement and fun!
-Julie
Have you ever struggled to break a habit? Whether that was bad eating, avoiding exercise, smoking, or thinking negative thoughts? Have you ever been so frustrated and given up, despite logically knowing the new habit or thoughts would do you good? You've probably heard a lot about "thinking new thoughts" and how important it is to do that. What we practice becomes habit, and habits are tough to break -- but how do you create new, better habits, when your brain seems to not want to help you out? And your behavior follows suit, creating a vicious cycle!
Instead of beating yourself up, understand why it happens. Habits are powerful, chemical and electrical processes that happen in your brain -- no wonder it's tough!
Let's break it down.
1. While you're sitting there frustrated, your brain's cells (neurons) are communicating via nerve endings (synapses and dendrites). These nerve endings are releasing chemical or electrical pulses to send a message to other cells in your brain. This is going on all the time, even right now.
2. You start with a weak link between new things. The neuropathways connecting cells will initially not be strong. When you decide to change your negative thought of "I'm so dumb" to a positive one of "I can learn new things" you are contending with a weak neuropathway.
Example:
Think of one nerve ending named Bob, and another Jane. Bob and Jane work in the same office, but don't know each other very well. Maybe they've seen each other around. Bob wants to get a message across to Jane, so he writes something on a notepad, and throws it across the room at her. Jane jumps, but gets the message.
Now, the first time your brain's cell nerve endings send a new message, that relationship between those cells is weak. Jane has never met Bob before and is thinking "Who is this guy? Why is he throwing note pads at me? Whatever. I don't even remember his name." So the pathway between those brain cells is weak.
This is why when you learn something new, it's difficult! Cell nerve endings are communicating but may have never even met! Jane doesn't know who the heck Bob even is. Of course it's tough to learn to ride a bike or remember French vocabulary or memorize a technical document at work. Your brain cells are struggling to form new neuropathways.
But in time, the neuropathways become stronger. Bob and Jane get to know each other -- a strong link between them develops where they send information rapidly back and forth. A line in the dirt becomes a road, which becomes a super fast highway. Now Jane can say "danish!" and Bob will start laughing at their inside joke.
Your neuropathways have dug a deep rut into your brain, linking thoughts together, and allowing Bob and Jane to throw info back and forth quickly and easily.
At this point, speaking French becomes second nature. Riding a bike seems to be something you've always known. Thinking you're an idiot because your older brother told you so seems to be a "fact." It of course takes quite a while to get to this point. Often years.
This is great for linking together important information that you want linked! Such as speaking a language or remembering the steps in a process, or the way home. It's also wonderful for continuing healthy habits that lead to accomplishing your goals faster. But it's very bad for trying to un-learn bad habits or learn new ones.
Examples of how your brain might be linking things together right now:
In a positive way :)
Feeling blah = go to the gym! :)
Looking for excitement = learn something new
Want a snack = something healthy and tasty
Want more money = find new ways to succeed at work
In not-so-positive of a way :(
Hungry = box of donuts
Angry = throw something
Looking for excitement = drag racing
Want more money = rob a liquor store
But unfortunately, when there is a strong neuropathway, it is a force to be reckoned with when you attempt to unlearn a habit, or re-learn something else. You need to literally break down one bridge and begin to travel over a new bridge. This takes a lot of practice, and some pain, as you are destroying the connections between existing cells.
What if instead of having "new challenge" linked with "fear," you had it linked with "excitement"? How would that change things?
Think of the bridges and links in your brain you'd like to tear down. The Bob and Jane relationships you'd like to sever, or build stronger. The areas of your life where you'd like to build something new. The dirt roads you'd like to construct into super fast highways. The super fast highways you'd like to permanently close.
Luckily, we do have the ability to change our habits, though it's certainly not easy.
You need to destroy an old habit, as you build a new one. Painful, not easy, but necessary. You have the power to link anything together in your brain -- so choose your connections carefully. Learn the ideas and concepts that will support your endeavors. Build your confidence with the best thoughts to support or motivate your actions. Remove the cell connections that are preventing positive action.
It's not easy, but you can discover which cell connections you currently have, which would better support your end goals, and make the shift by practicing immersing yourself in new thoughts and taking new, slightly scary actions. It's not an overnight process, but Life Coaching can help with every step. Contact me if you'd like a short complimentary phone consultation!
Wishing you success, excitement and fun!
-Julie
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