NYC Life Coach, Julie Melillo

When we avoid going for a goal, we often blame ourselves, call ourselves "lazy," etc., but we sometimes don't realize there are REASONS we aren't taking action. Three reasons in particular. To attack a goal, or even create a goal, requires ENERGY. Mental, physical, and emotional energy. A lot of us become DRAINED over time, by negative people, the small (and big) annoyances of life, or taking a lot of action without getting the results you want -- frustrating, yes? STOP and take note of the areas where you feel you need more energy. You may be physically strong, but emotionally drained. Or emotionally strong, but feeling weak physically. RECHARGE: 1) Boost your PHYSICAL energy with daily exercise (a variety of types of exercise you enjoy, and some weight training), a diet of organic vegetables, fruits; healthy carbs like brown rice and quinoa; and organic proteins like lean chicken or beef, nuts, tofu, or rice and beans (together they make a complete pro

Quiz: Who in the above photo is perfect?  No one is actually perfect. But many of us pretend to be. Your real goal should be to become "perfect at not being perfect," and even that will come with some mistakes :). Perfectionism happens from an unrealistic idea, a fallacy, that you must be 100% perfect, and a single flaw means you are 100% loser. This is untrue all-or-nothing thinking. Yet, our society promotes this idea, and if you subscribe to it you will exert huge effort towards your impossible goal of perfection. You'll get a high off of feeling that others are seeing you as flawless (in those brief moments where things line up just right), and the rest of your human existence will feel slightly mortifying (ugh I cannot believe I had a typo in my Facebook post!! Everyone will think I'm a huuge loser now....Oh the shame...the shame). Do you do this? If you feel "I must be perfect," this pressure it will cause you to: *Procrastinate -- the stak

When climbing a ladder, or hiking up a steep mountain path, you'll likely hear shouts of "don't look down!" The idea is that we'll get so overwhelmed and scared of heights, that we'll freeze up and fall. So it's best to just pretend we aren't that high up. Basically, denial. "Don't look." We also experience this "don't look" issue when we contemplate going for a new goal.  Right before undertaking a new goal, "don't look up!" is our fear. When you "look up" at your goal, whether you are about to hike up a huge mountain, scale a rock wall, or climb the corporate ladder -- it's scary to "look up" and see what lies before you in its full, challenging detail.   Again, "don't look." It's just as scary to "look up" as to look down, because to really SEE what is up there, means taking in the enormity of your goal . Not ignoring it in denial. It means s

When reaching your goal you need both inspiration and encouragement. Inspiration is that initial spark you need to get going. Encouragement is what you need when the going gets tough (and it will get tough when you have a worthwhile goal!). If you don't have your own personal coach that you're meeting with weekly to help you stay inspired, encouraged, and upbeat -- not everyone can afford one -- the next best thing is to collect meaningful phrases, quotes, and images -- these will help inspire and encourage you during your most daunting times. If you can afford a coach, www.yourdreamslifecoach.com for rates.  It's always helped me to keep inspiring quotes close at hand. I like to keep my favorites on my iphone, so I can quickly pull them up during frustrating moments to keep my focus. Waiting for the subway, in an elevator, or a few minutes of downtime is all I need to pull myself back on track. I'm posting a whole plethora of quotes with images below.  Keep

Guys are you taking The Game too far? The original appeal of this approach, of "negging" girls and acting laid back and like you didn't care, and acting cocky/funny (google this phrase for 11,600,000 results), was that it was unusual. It caught attractive girls off guard -- you weren't just another loser showering her with compliments. You were unique. Because you were insulting and ignoring her. Go you. But times have changed. It's not your fault, but you need to adapt. Rewind way back, 10 years, long, long ago. "The Land Before Negs." Way before "The Game took" hold of the country. This time period, for those of us who can remember, was "The Age of Compliments." Most guys were saying things like "Wow you are so pretty" and "I can't believe you actually went out with me" and "great dress." Due to this being the norm, when The Game became popular, a guy actually STOOD OUT if he refrained from

Becoming an overnight entrepreneur? Easier said than done -- a lifetime of structure (from education to the corporate world) can make it difficult to fly off on your own. But it can be done! Can I sharpen my pencil now? Do you remember asking your grade school teacher this question, as you anxiously awaited the answer with that broken lead staring at you. Then, it's asking your boss for vacation, or awaiting your next project. But what happens when YOU are the person who not only asks, but answers? What happens are a lot of hurdles that will set you back. These things are certain to, at one time or another, really bother you. Knowing is half the battle, and understanding that every other entrepreneur has dealt with these same problems is reassuring. What are the hurdles for a person who has always had the structure of a regular, corporate job, to switch to the unstructured and unknown world of entrepreneurship? There are many, but here are the top 2

When contemplating your big goal , whether that's a new business, career change, finding a relationship, improving your health, etc., it can be easy to say "This will be easy. I know I want this!" However, if you find yourself taking one step forward and two back, procrastinating, trying to convince yourself (or others) that "everything is fine" and "you're just taking a break," etc., you may have a part of you that's not on board with your goal. You may also experience anxiety whenever you attempt a task, or feel generally depressed with a "whatever" or "who cares" attitude. This means there is a part of you that is not "on board" with your new goal. That's okay, because most of us experience this phenomenon when we tackle new goals. But there is a way to handle this, and there is a way this can destroy you. To handle it, you need to DISCOVER what your inner conflict is. To have this destroy you? IGNORE. It ca

Yes, we all know the standard "dating safety tips." We know it's important to have your first date in a public place, right? At least I hope we do. Going to some guy's apartment so he can "make you dinner" on your howaboutwe date is like wearing a sign that says "This is crazy, but kill me maybe?" Guys don't typically feel they have to give this topic much thought. But trust me, you do. Here are the top 5 dating dangers you've never thought about, to keep an eye out for. 1) He brings a female friend (or friends). Don't let your guard down. There's an inclination to think, oh, this is another girl, so she'll make sure nothing crazy happens to me in this situation. Especially if the girl becomes your instant friend and invites you to another location (like an apartment), be your normal cautious self. Don't assume because this is a girl, or that because there is a group of people, that you're any safer than being with a nea

Goals and dreams are overwhelming -- starting a new business, changing to a completely new career, finding the right person and starting a family, moving across the globe, writing a novel, becoming famous, making more money than you ever dreamed of. Change is one of the hardest things, for all of us. A new goal, especially a large one, will feel enormous, confusing, hard to grasp, and at times -- impossible. Even for my clients who have launched numerous successful businesses, who have become famous in their fields already -- yes even they feel this way. The pressure can feel HUGE. You have fear of failure, fear of success, and so much more...yikes! That's where the 5-minute tasks comes in. Anyone can complete a task that takes only 5 minutes. It's small, simple, and if it gets too challenging, you can give up after that 5-minute mark. This is the key, because all goals are reached after completing tasks. So if you're too blocked to complete your tasks, you of course won&#

To achieve any goal first and foremost requires a willingness to change your thoughts. Our lives are the result of our thinking. EVERY single thing in your life resulted from a thought you had. The chair you're sitting in -- you thought to purchase it, accept it as a gift, or you thought to accept the job that provided the chair, or you thought to visit the person's home you are sitting in...etc. You had a THOUGHT that resulted in sitting in this chair. It was a choice. This is SO cool because it means that you are POWERFUL because you CREATE what comes into your life via your thoughts. And when you no longer want to sit in this chair, you will CHOOSE a new thought. And it will result in an action -- standing up. The computer code (thought) runs the program (actions) -- so our thoughts results in actions that run our lives. This means you can create anything you want -- a new business, a better career, an invention, a better relationship (or ending a bad relationsh

Are you picturing the glamorous entrepreneur lifestyle? Thinking of starting your own business? Most new entrepreneurs (at least initially) begin working from home. Make sure you are prepared for the downsides of the switch from busy corporate office, to your living room. Being prepared can help you sidestep the shock of the change, which can leave many new entrepreneurs feeling confused or depressed. You are isolated at home -- this is one of the biggest problems for new entrepreneurs. Even the most introverted person will be thrown for a loop when they find themselves alone ALL day, with a laptop and a dream. There is no friendly banter or hello or goodbye to the receptionist and co-workers. Fix it -- You must create a social life for yourself. I believe you need 5 friendly interactions per day to stay in a happy, centered place. I make a point to schedule in plenty of social time with friends, volunteering, and when I meet with clients I always greet the security people wa

Based on our past experiences, we all decide what our limit will be -- this is our imaginary ceiling. We put a cap on our salary, our potential, and what we can expect in every area of life. Then, we work hard to justify the reasons we should stay here, even if those reasons are absurd -- we magnify any benefits from our current rut, and imagine the worst case scenarios when we picture making any changes. Unfortunately, we place this limit on ourselves based on completely subjective life experiences (painful or pleasant) that leave a lasting effect on how we see the world. This has nothing to do with the world itself, or what is ACTUALLY possible for you and your happiness. That's a shame, since this explains why most of us do give up on our dreams so easily. "I had a bad audition, so I'm clearly not meant to be an actress," or "I had a mean boss at a big bank, so it's clear all big companies are evil, and I'll only work for start-ups now," or &quo

They say, "Karma is a bigger bitch than you." The problem is that we can be blind to mistakes we weren't even aware we were making. Yikes. Especially if you really liked the guy. So, my wonderful ladies of NYC, here are 2 of my top tips for not incurring evil-rude-girl karma debt!! 1. Don't insult the venue he chose. Guys get really nervous about planning dates. It feels like a big risk to them, because you might laugh in their face and say "Really? You thought this place was a good idea? " Girls don't understand the pressure guys put on themselves to plan the perfect date. Due to this, some guys opt out by just asking the girl to plan it (which is weak), but it explains why they do this -- they want to please you (or sometimes they are just lazy). Other guys will plan the date, but even the most confident guy will be a teensy bit worried that you'll diss his choice, "OMG this bar is so 2010" or "This is the worst mojito I've ever