Perfectionist Pitfalls!

Quiz: Who in the above photo is perfect? 

No one is actually perfect. But many of us pretend to be. Your real goal should be to become "perfect at not being perfect," and even that will come with some mistakes :).

Perfectionism happens from an unrealistic idea, a fallacy, that you must be 100% perfect, and a single flaw means you are 100% loser. This is untrue all-or-nothing thinking. Yet, our society promotes this idea, and if you subscribe to it you will exert huge effort towards your impossible goal of perfection. You'll get a high off of feeling that others are seeing you as flawless (in those brief moments where things line up just right), and the rest of your human existence will feel slightly mortifying (ugh I cannot believe I had a typo in my Facebook post!! Everyone will think I'm a huuge loser now....Oh the shame...the shame).

Do you do this? If you feel "I must be perfect," this pressure it will cause you to:

*Procrastinate -- the stakes are high, so you may avoid taking action until absolutely necessary, allowing the adrenaline to give you a push. The problem with this is the stress hormones in your body are unhealthy and will exhaust you needlessly (stress is linked to numerous diseases). You may also miss a deadline if you wait until the last minute, leading to even more "feelings of failure."
*Avoid opportunities -- Perfectionists may avoid doing things where they could fail. This may mean not going for a promotion, avoiding a date, not making a new friend, or avoiding learning something new. All result in a less successful and happy life.
*Over-work -- perfectionists may stay up all night quadruple checking a report. The effort may be overkill for the task at hand, leaving you exhausted, meaning you're actually not being efficient with your energy.
*A feeling of emptiness -- perfectionists may go after every accomplishment (in a familiar area), yet each success may bring a very short "high" before it is simply pilled onto the meaningless stack.
*Basing your worth on your perfection means that you will never, ever, be good enough. No one is flawless, so this means you will always feel worthless if you base your worth on being perfect.
*Wanting to be perfect keeps us isolated, as we want to avoid any pain of "being exposed as imperfect." This means your social life won't be as rich and fulfilling.

BECOME PERFECT AT BEING IMPERFECT!

How to...

*Base your worth on your soul as a human being. Love yourself as is. This gives you the foundation you need to tackle any new challenge, not just the familiar.
*Know that everyone is flawed. No one is perfect all of the time (not even famous celebrities, CEOs, sports stars, etc.)
*Mistakes help us learn. They are part of the learning curve. To stay perfect means starving yourself of new opportunities that will allow you to get to the next levels of your career and personal life. Learning "what not to do" teaches you "what to do."
*Feeling "perfect" or "imperfect" means you feel on-top-of-the-world or like the "ultimate loser." Neither really exist. You simply are great as you are. You don't actually morph into a huge loser or huge success daily. Other people truly don't even notice, or care, about your mistakes.
*Give yourself permission to be imperfect. To be human! Try new things! DO the things you fear. Go ahead and do a public speech and allow yourself to mess up, often. Perhaps even blank out and stand there like a deer in headlights. The world actually won't end. Take a dance class where you WILL be struggling to keep up, and allow the teacher to laugh or glare at you. Know it's okay to say something really stupid on a date. Have a typo in an email. Say something awkward to a stranger on the subway. Go to the gym and sit on a machine completely backwards. You'll see these are human things, and funny things. At most, others will laugh with you (perhaps at you, but that's not the end of the world).
*Mistakes help us master new skills. Anything new will have mistakes in store for you. So welcome them. Think of yourself as a child learning to walk, and encourage yourself. Falls are part of learning. It's all part of the playground.
*See life as a playground, not a graded pass/fail daily performance. Feeling that life is your playground in which to experiment, play, take action, interact, and at times -- fall on your face -- will give you the confidence and energy you need to tackle any challenge. Allow life to be your playground. And go out and play.