The Secret -- how to make it work for you.
Most people have heard of The Secret (the 2006 film and book). The basic idea of the Secret is that a person's thoughts can attract real events into their lives. Based on The Law of Attraction, The Secret promises that you can bring anything you want into your life - a car, love, money, etc. - by changing your thoughts and focusing on your desired outcome. All you need to do is look at a picture of the desired object, visualize it, think about it a lot, and it will eventually fall into your lap.
Here are the first twenty minutes of The Secret film.
It's an exciting concept that unfortunately, can quickly become disappointing. There is definitely merit to The Secret, but many people who have tried it have not reached their goals and are left wondering if they are the problem! This is not the case. Everyone is capable of success, but not everyone has yet learned the additional "secrets" that aren't talked about in the book. Picturing your ideal outcome and thinking about how much you want it are certainly an important part of the process, but the foundation steps are left out.
Think of it like this. A professional basketball player can improve his shots with visualization exercises - and studies prove visualization can in fact improve performance more than actual physical practice (see: Stanford basketball study). However, that player could never get to that big game without first running drills, learning the technique of shooting a ball - and most importantly, the player needs to believe he has potential to become a basketball player in the first place, before he will ever set foot in the gym.
Just imagine a person who firmly believes they are not tall enough, fast enough, or athletic enough to play sports. If they use The Secret to become a professional b-ball player, will it work? No. They don't identify with being an athlete. They don't have a firm belief that it is possible, and this is what makes it impossible to achieve. They may in fact have the potential to become an athlete, but their limiting belief prevents them from trying -- so they have failed by not even trying.
Life is the same way. You can long for any goal, but if you don't truly believe the potential exists, if you don't identify with it, don't think you're worth it, then you will never try it -- the limiting beliefs that other people have imposed on you can be very hard to break through! In the meantime, you're just treading water - or sitting on the couch reading The Secret.
Luckily, there is a way around this. So what is missing from The Secret? How can you move past the treading water stage and start to see results? You must first create a firm belief in yourself that your goal is possible -- if you already believed it was possible, you would have already taken the actions to create your outcome.
This is a matter of throwing out old, outdated beliefs that are holding you back and replacing them with more accurate beliefs that will set you straight on the path towards your goal. Then, the rest is easy.
This is the process you need to prepare yourself for The Secret. This really works!
1) Change your expectations - what you expect from life has been created by all of the situations you have ever been in and everything you have witnessed in life. Your expectations were chiseled into a big statue of "what is possible" from you family, friends, community, work places, and what you've seen on television and read. This "statue of what is possible" is not set in stone -- it is only what you have witnessed so far -- and can be changed.
2) Examine the facts - to change what you expect, you have to believe something different. To do this is an uncomfortable feeling. You need to challenge the old beliefs. Look at the "facts" and discover if they are still valid. Most of the time, these "facts" don't make any sense. You can change these thoughts that hold you back. For example, if someone believes "I can't do this because I am too old," that person can choose to instead believe "I can do this because I'm experienced."
3) Accept a new outlook - after re-writing your old list of beliefs, and changing each negative to a positive, you need to start accepting them. You can repeat the list to yourself many times a day - a great first step. But to truly change you need to see it before you will believe it. This requires action.
4) Take action - you need to complete a small action that will prove to yourself that this new belief is true! Even small actions work. For example, make a call, google something, go to a location and ask a question. This is the only way to break the old reinforced cycle that has proven to you time and time again that "x-belief" is actually true. Your action will disprove this false belief, and start to weaken the cycle.
5) Savor success - after getting the guts to complete the action (the support of a Life Coach can help big time here), you will see your results and start to change your belief. Even if your action was not entirely successful, your old belief will still start to waver - if you were "too old to ballroom dance" you would not have been able to shimmy across your living room. But you did, right? So part of you will question your old belief, even if you don't completely believe it yet.
6) Act more to believe more - after you have completed the first action, your beliefs will have shifted ever so slightly. Now is the time to continue to challenge the beliefs and nudge them even more. Use even more action steps. That person who is "too old to ballroom dance" will now dance around the whole house, purchase ballroom shoes, ask everyone they know about available dance partners and instructors. Finally, they will enroll in their first ballroom class. Somewhere along the line, you can clearly see that person will begin to believe they can dance ballroom at any age. When you have just witnessed yourself completing actions you never thought you were capable of, your beliefs will instantly change.
7) Experience disharmony - when there is disharmony between your old belief "I'm too old to ballroom dance." And your new belief "But I just witnessed myself ballroom dancing across the floor!" You will find you will become emotional, confused and possibly a wreck for a while. This is what happens when you need to adjust to a changed belief (those old beliefs can cling on with intensity). Eventually, you will accept the new belief as true. "I have just witnessed myself successfully ballroom dancing, so I am young enough to dance."
8) Change happens when you believe it's possible - this is how we change the beliefs, that lead to the actions, that reinforce beliefs - that combine to get us what we want. It is a cycle that builds on itself. Beliefs lead to actions. Actions reinforce beliefs. You can either reinforce the beliefs you already have, or create new ones. But you are constantly reinforcing beliefs. The Secret is useful. Visualization, mantras (repeating a phrase to yourself), looking at images, creating collages, and imaging yourself in your new life can all help. But without the action items, you will not truly believe your goal is possible. You won't believe you are "the kind of person" who can achieve that. And without the belief, there can be no action - since all actions begin with a thought, that begins with what we think is possible. This is the secret they don't tell you, and it's the one that works.
9) Try it to believe it - try applying this method to your life - even in a small area, identify a belief that may be outdated or holding you back. Change it to a positive and take a small action. See how you feel afterwards. If you believe it's possible to change, you can. Read on...
Wishing you a wonderful path to getting everything you want.
Get all of your dreams in the new year! If you believe it's possible, it can happen.
Sincerely,
Julie Melillo
Certified Life Coach
Your Dreams Life Coaching
Here are the first twenty minutes of The Secret film.
It's an exciting concept that unfortunately, can quickly become disappointing. There is definitely merit to The Secret, but many people who have tried it have not reached their goals and are left wondering if they are the problem! This is not the case. Everyone is capable of success, but not everyone has yet learned the additional "secrets" that aren't talked about in the book. Picturing your ideal outcome and thinking about how much you want it are certainly an important part of the process, but the foundation steps are left out.
Think of it like this. A professional basketball player can improve his shots with visualization exercises - and studies prove visualization can in fact improve performance more than actual physical practice (see: Stanford basketball study). However, that player could never get to that big game without first running drills, learning the technique of shooting a ball - and most importantly, the player needs to believe he has potential to become a basketball player in the first place, before he will ever set foot in the gym.
Just imagine a person who firmly believes they are not tall enough, fast enough, or athletic enough to play sports. If they use The Secret to become a professional b-ball player, will it work? No. They don't identify with being an athlete. They don't have a firm belief that it is possible, and this is what makes it impossible to achieve. They may in fact have the potential to become an athlete, but their limiting belief prevents them from trying -- so they have failed by not even trying.
Life is the same way. You can long for any goal, but if you don't truly believe the potential exists, if you don't identify with it, don't think you're worth it, then you will never try it -- the limiting beliefs that other people have imposed on you can be very hard to break through! In the meantime, you're just treading water - or sitting on the couch reading The Secret.
Luckily, there is a way around this. So what is missing from The Secret? How can you move past the treading water stage and start to see results? You must first create a firm belief in yourself that your goal is possible -- if you already believed it was possible, you would have already taken the actions to create your outcome.
This is a matter of throwing out old, outdated beliefs that are holding you back and replacing them with more accurate beliefs that will set you straight on the path towards your goal. Then, the rest is easy.
This is the process you need to prepare yourself for The Secret. This really works!
1) Change your expectations - what you expect from life has been created by all of the situations you have ever been in and everything you have witnessed in life. Your expectations were chiseled into a big statue of "what is possible" from you family, friends, community, work places, and what you've seen on television and read. This "statue of what is possible" is not set in stone -- it is only what you have witnessed so far -- and can be changed.
2) Examine the facts - to change what you expect, you have to believe something different. To do this is an uncomfortable feeling. You need to challenge the old beliefs. Look at the "facts" and discover if they are still valid. Most of the time, these "facts" don't make any sense. You can change these thoughts that hold you back. For example, if someone believes "I can't do this because I am too old," that person can choose to instead believe "I can do this because I'm experienced."
3) Accept a new outlook - after re-writing your old list of beliefs, and changing each negative to a positive, you need to start accepting them. You can repeat the list to yourself many times a day - a great first step. But to truly change you need to see it before you will believe it. This requires action.
4) Take action - you need to complete a small action that will prove to yourself that this new belief is true! Even small actions work. For example, make a call, google something, go to a location and ask a question. This is the only way to break the old reinforced cycle that has proven to you time and time again that "x-belief" is actually true. Your action will disprove this false belief, and start to weaken the cycle.
5) Savor success - after getting the guts to complete the action (the support of a Life Coach can help big time here), you will see your results and start to change your belief. Even if your action was not entirely successful, your old belief will still start to waver - if you were "too old to ballroom dance" you would not have been able to shimmy across your living room. But you did, right? So part of you will question your old belief, even if you don't completely believe it yet.
6) Act more to believe more - after you have completed the first action, your beliefs will have shifted ever so slightly. Now is the time to continue to challenge the beliefs and nudge them even more. Use even more action steps. That person who is "too old to ballroom dance" will now dance around the whole house, purchase ballroom shoes, ask everyone they know about available dance partners and instructors. Finally, they will enroll in their first ballroom class. Somewhere along the line, you can clearly see that person will begin to believe they can dance ballroom at any age. When you have just witnessed yourself completing actions you never thought you were capable of, your beliefs will instantly change.
7) Experience disharmony - when there is disharmony between your old belief "I'm too old to ballroom dance." And your new belief "But I just witnessed myself ballroom dancing across the floor!" You will find you will become emotional, confused and possibly a wreck for a while. This is what happens when you need to adjust to a changed belief (those old beliefs can cling on with intensity). Eventually, you will accept the new belief as true. "I have just witnessed myself successfully ballroom dancing, so I am young enough to dance."
8) Change happens when you believe it's possible - this is how we change the beliefs, that lead to the actions, that reinforce beliefs - that combine to get us what we want. It is a cycle that builds on itself. Beliefs lead to actions. Actions reinforce beliefs. You can either reinforce the beliefs you already have, or create new ones. But you are constantly reinforcing beliefs. The Secret is useful. Visualization, mantras (repeating a phrase to yourself), looking at images, creating collages, and imaging yourself in your new life can all help. But without the action items, you will not truly believe your goal is possible. You won't believe you are "the kind of person" who can achieve that. And without the belief, there can be no action - since all actions begin with a thought, that begins with what we think is possible. This is the secret they don't tell you, and it's the one that works.
9) Try it to believe it - try applying this method to your life - even in a small area, identify a belief that may be outdated or holding you back. Change it to a positive and take a small action. See how you feel afterwards. If you believe it's possible to change, you can. Read on...
Wishing you a wonderful path to getting everything you want.
Get all of your dreams in the new year! If you believe it's possible, it can happen.
Sincerely,
Julie Melillo
Certified Life Coach
Your Dreams Life Coaching
http://www.yourdreamslifecoach.com
Want to find the best life coach for you and your goals? Need a new life? Career or personal dreams? Find out more about Life Coaching. I'm Julie Melillo, a NYC Certified Life Coach serving professional, ambitious clients in-person in New York City and over the telephone and internet -- I coach financial traders, attorneys, entrepreneurs, artists and anyone creating a big, brand new life.
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