Are others holding you back from living your dreams?
When you're in the process of discovering what you really want, all kinds of blocks can arise. Some are from within yourself, and others are from the people around you. Read about how the people who you spend the most time with may actually be holding you back from realizing what you want most in life.
What could be holding you back?
People. Your success may in fact be a bad thing for some other people -- it doesn't mean they are bad people for reacting this way, but we are all human! Family, friends, co-workers, bosses -- there will be people in your life afraid of what will happen if you try something new.
Not everyone will want to support your new ways. Some will even try to prevent you from succeeding -- you might notice dramatic bold actions on their part, intense arguments, or very subtle passive-aggressive manipulation or phrasing of the things they say to you -- putting pressure on you to keep things the way they are.
Examples:
*Your spouse gets angry every time you go to the gym, saying "You're never here to spend time with me." But there is plenty of time together -- and this has never been an issue for other non-gym events. The real fear is that the new, fit spouse will leave the relationship right after obtaining six-pack abs.
*Your mom says "Sure honey, everyone has big dreams, but it doesn't mean they are practical. We've always been a close family haven't we?" This mother is putting pressure on her child to stay close to home, out of fear that a big move might mean an upset to the "close family" and the relationships might not stay close -- even if this means dream sabotage. The pressure says "If you follow your dream, you're leaving your family behind and disappointing your parents."
*A girlfriend says to her boyfriend "You need to stay at your job for at least 2 years to gain experience. This economy is no time to move to another job!" The girlfriend is afraid if her boyfriend changes jobs, he won't be financially stable enough to ask her to marry him. However, her boyfriend is extremely stressed out in his job position, and it's affecting his stress level and heart-health. If he doesn't change jobs soon, there may be no boyfriend left for her to be with!
You can see in the above examples that often the people who hold you back don't intend to cause you any harm. Often, they truly think their approach is best for you and them. However, this can still do a lot of damage to you. If you don't discover and realize your potential, you won't be a very happy person for any of these people to be around. You will have less less money, success and happiness to share. You will simply be a walking dead person, if you follow the advice of people trying to hold you back. And that is certainly not a good thing for you -- or for them.
How to discover your dreams anyway!
If you have people in your life attempting to hold you back, your dreams aren't lost. Discovering your dreams in a safe place free from criticism is your best bet, so you can clearly know your path. Then, you can re-negotiate with people who may not agree with your new choices to improve yourself.
1) First work on discovering your dreams by freeing yourself up. Do this alone or with your life coach. The below should give you a great start:
A) First write out a list of what dreams you would have for yourself if you lived in a bubble separate from all influences of people in your life. It may help to think "If I was someone else, I would..." Or, if I didn't have my responsibilities, if I was younger/older, if I had a million dollars, I would_____________. I would do this with my life_________. This would make me most happy_____________.
B) If the above is too difficult, try to cleanse your thoughts first. Write a long list of all of the things you would never do in your life. The things that aren't "realistic" or "practical" or that would be "irresponsible" even if they are fun or would make you happy. Include all of the lessons you've been taught from a young age, and the values that have been instilled in you. Then, with this on paper, attempt to do exercise A again.
2. Write your new list of discovered dreams -- even if you feel a bit insane! Or like these things will never actually happen. That's a common feeling.
3. With your new list of dreams now discovered, you want to cement your new outlook and ensure it doesn't quickly evaporate. Do this by writing down your dreams daily. Talk about these ideas only with supportive people or your life coach. Find new people who will support you if none currently exist. Remember that your income and your happiness level are often an average of the income and happiness level of the five people you spend the most time with. Our lives are contagious -- ensure you're catching what you want.
4) Meet with the people impacted by your decisions -- after your dreams are clearly articulated -- and after you've spent some time cementing your new outlook with daily writing and discussing your ideas with highly supportive people, you'll want to set up some meetings with the people who have been attempting to hold you back. This could be a work meeting to tell your boss you're leaving the company. It could be a quiet night in to tell your husband you've decided to lose 40 pounds. It could be a lunch with your mother to tell her about your plan to move away from home.
5) Have a calm conversation -- try to stay as calm as you can -- this can be tricky because we are all passionate about our dreams. Work out before you meet if possible. Focus on clearly explaining your dream, your plan of action, and listening and asking questions about their fears. Explain why taking these new steps are important to you -- but avoid being defensive -- the other person may never fully understand and you need to accept that it isn't your job to convince them. Ask for their support and reassure them that you'll do whatever possible to reassure or help them. (Make sure you've decided what you feel is reasonable). Repeat back to the person what they've told you in different words -- this helps you let them know you understand. Make good on your offer to reassure or help them in a timely manner .
For instance, you might...
*Reassure your spouse that you have no intention of leaving them after you get fit, and you intend on boosting your health so you will be there to care for your family in later years. You might suggest that the two of you work-out together so you can both become healthier. However, your spouse may choose to stay unhealthy -- it isn't your job to convince them to agree with you, but to understand their own viewpoint may differ from yours.
*Put the word on the street about your job opening up, or offer to write down instructions for some newer tasks or systems you've put together in your current job to help the new hire get up-to-speed faster.
*Let your family know that staying close is important to you (if it is) and reassure your family that you will call once a week after moving far away.
Discovering what you want is hugely important! And separating out what YOU want from what OTHERS in your life want for you is equally important. The above will give you some tips on how to accomplish that. Hopefully the process is as smooth for you as possible! Believe in yourself and don't give up, despite the opposition.
What could be holding you back?
People. Your success may in fact be a bad thing for some other people -- it doesn't mean they are bad people for reacting this way, but we are all human! Family, friends, co-workers, bosses -- there will be people in your life afraid of what will happen if you try something new.
- Will it be more work for your boss to find a new employee?
- Will your family be annoyed at having you move far away and not be able to visit as often?
- Will your significant other feel insecure after you've lost a lot of weight and may start to attract attention?
Not everyone will want to support your new ways. Some will even try to prevent you from succeeding -- you might notice dramatic bold actions on their part, intense arguments, or very subtle passive-aggressive manipulation or phrasing of the things they say to you -- putting pressure on you to keep things the way they are.
Examples:
*Your spouse gets angry every time you go to the gym, saying "You're never here to spend time with me." But there is plenty of time together -- and this has never been an issue for other non-gym events. The real fear is that the new, fit spouse will leave the relationship right after obtaining six-pack abs.
*Your mom says "Sure honey, everyone has big dreams, but it doesn't mean they are practical. We've always been a close family haven't we?" This mother is putting pressure on her child to stay close to home, out of fear that a big move might mean an upset to the "close family" and the relationships might not stay close -- even if this means dream sabotage. The pressure says "If you follow your dream, you're leaving your family behind and disappointing your parents."
*A girlfriend says to her boyfriend "You need to stay at your job for at least 2 years to gain experience. This economy is no time to move to another job!" The girlfriend is afraid if her boyfriend changes jobs, he won't be financially stable enough to ask her to marry him. However, her boyfriend is extremely stressed out in his job position, and it's affecting his stress level and heart-health. If he doesn't change jobs soon, there may be no boyfriend left for her to be with!
You can see in the above examples that often the people who hold you back don't intend to cause you any harm. Often, they truly think their approach is best for you and them. However, this can still do a lot of damage to you. If you don't discover and realize your potential, you won't be a very happy person for any of these people to be around. You will have less less money, success and happiness to share. You will simply be a walking dead person, if you follow the advice of people trying to hold you back. And that is certainly not a good thing for you -- or for them.
How to discover your dreams anyway!
If you have people in your life attempting to hold you back, your dreams aren't lost. Discovering your dreams in a safe place free from criticism is your best bet, so you can clearly know your path. Then, you can re-negotiate with people who may not agree with your new choices to improve yourself.
1) First work on discovering your dreams by freeing yourself up. Do this alone or with your life coach. The below should give you a great start:
A) First write out a list of what dreams you would have for yourself if you lived in a bubble separate from all influences of people in your life. It may help to think "If I was someone else, I would..." Or, if I didn't have my responsibilities, if I was younger/older, if I had a million dollars, I would_____________. I would do this with my life_________. This would make me most happy_____________.
B) If the above is too difficult, try to cleanse your thoughts first. Write a long list of all of the things you would never do in your life. The things that aren't "realistic" or "practical" or that would be "irresponsible" even if they are fun or would make you happy. Include all of the lessons you've been taught from a young age, and the values that have been instilled in you. Then, with this on paper, attempt to do exercise A again.
2. Write your new list of discovered dreams -- even if you feel a bit insane! Or like these things will never actually happen. That's a common feeling.
3. With your new list of dreams now discovered, you want to cement your new outlook and ensure it doesn't quickly evaporate. Do this by writing down your dreams daily. Talk about these ideas only with supportive people or your life coach. Find new people who will support you if none currently exist. Remember that your income and your happiness level are often an average of the income and happiness level of the five people you spend the most time with. Our lives are contagious -- ensure you're catching what you want.
4) Meet with the people impacted by your decisions -- after your dreams are clearly articulated -- and after you've spent some time cementing your new outlook with daily writing and discussing your ideas with highly supportive people, you'll want to set up some meetings with the people who have been attempting to hold you back. This could be a work meeting to tell your boss you're leaving the company. It could be a quiet night in to tell your husband you've decided to lose 40 pounds. It could be a lunch with your mother to tell her about your plan to move away from home.
5) Have a calm conversation -- try to stay as calm as you can -- this can be tricky because we are all passionate about our dreams. Work out before you meet if possible. Focus on clearly explaining your dream, your plan of action, and listening and asking questions about their fears. Explain why taking these new steps are important to you -- but avoid being defensive -- the other person may never fully understand and you need to accept that it isn't your job to convince them. Ask for their support and reassure them that you'll do whatever possible to reassure or help them. (Make sure you've decided what you feel is reasonable). Repeat back to the person what they've told you in different words -- this helps you let them know you understand. Make good on your offer to reassure or help them in a timely manner .
For instance, you might...
*Reassure your spouse that you have no intention of leaving them after you get fit, and you intend on boosting your health so you will be there to care for your family in later years. You might suggest that the two of you work-out together so you can both become healthier. However, your spouse may choose to stay unhealthy -- it isn't your job to convince them to agree with you, but to understand their own viewpoint may differ from yours.
*Put the word on the street about your job opening up, or offer to write down instructions for some newer tasks or systems you've put together in your current job to help the new hire get up-to-speed faster.
*Let your family know that staying close is important to you (if it is) and reassure your family that you will call once a week after moving far away.
Discovering what you want is hugely important! And separating out what YOU want from what OTHERS in your life want for you is equally important. The above will give you some tips on how to accomplish that. Hopefully the process is as smooth for you as possible! Believe in yourself and don't give up, despite the opposition.
Comments
I moved out-of-state 2 3/4 years ago. I had my entire life planned and thought I'd put down "roots," find full-time employment, new friends, and live happily ever after. Wrong! My plan didn't work out and now I'm moving back home -- I leave tomorrow.
Sometimes we think we need to move away, and yes, it may be necessary. But it's nice to know you have a home to go home to and that you're still welcomed.
I'm sorry to hear your plans didn't work out as you expected -- life can certainly throw roadblocks at you, can't it? I'm curious what the "last straw" was that motivated you to return back to AZ?
Do you still have those dreams of living elsewhere, or have you decided you're most happy back home? Feel free to email if you don't want to post here.