Promise-breakers revealed


Promises may fit the friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies. ~Benjamin Franklin

Promises are agreements which bond people together, both in relationships and business. And breaking promises is a great way to create distrust, weak relationships, and lack of cooperation -- it's an antisocial behavior, much like lying, that can be extremely destructive to relationships, both in business and personal life.


A new study shows the people who break promises have different brain activity than those who don't.
Despite the fact that both initially appear the same as they swear to keep their promise.

The study from the University of Zurich revealed that brain activity may reveal malicious intentions far before the deceit is performed -- breaking a promise triggers an emotional conflict as the promise-breaker struggles to provide an honest-seeming response -- this shows up on the brain scans.

Perhaps in the future you may be able to scan a murder's brain to see if they will in fact plan on harming again? Or perhaps you'll be able to tell if your date really does in intend to do what he says he will?

http://www.physorg.com/news179585680.html
published in the journal Neuron on December 10, 2009.

TIPS TO KEEP YOUR PROMISES:

Are you a promise breaker? If you strongly insist you aren't, you may in fact BE a promise breaker. Those who break promises often FEEL that they keep their word, as explained below. Try these tips.

1. GET REAL -- People who make promises need to live with themselves, so they write elaborate stories that explain away any wrong-doing. "Well it wasn't my fault I didn't show up on Friday, because I always get stuck at the office and she should have known I have a tough job and can't always make it to places." Believing these elaborate fantasies is a way to avoid dealing with the real problem: you break promises. When you find yourself explaining away your last broken promise (either to yourself or others) STOP, and take responsibility instead. You CHOSE to break a promise -- it's as simple as that.

2. ADMIT THE MISTAKE -- The best way to re-build trust after a broken promise is to admit what you've done. We all make decisions -- decisions don't just land in our laps. Tell the person you've let down that you understand what you've done. Of course, only do this if you DO understand the harm you've caused. Otherwise, that would be called lying. "Look Jane, I'm sorry I didn't show up for your concert like I promised. I'm sure that hurt you to not see me at the after party. I made a mistake by committing, when I wasn't sure I could make it."

3. REMEDY THE MISTAKE -- A promise is a debt that you intend to pay. Not paying it makes you an unreliable debter. You now have to 1) show that you can be reliable, and 2) You still owe the debt (your promise that you made). To remedy the situation, make a new promise (of equal or greater value) to repay that initial broken one. And KEEP it. If you break this promise twice, you're pretty much going to be shown the door. "Jane I'm so sorry I couldn't make it and let you down. I know it doesn't fix the past, but perhaps this weekend I could take you to an orchestra concert that I think you'll enjoy. I promise I will make it this time, and if work comes up, I'll leave anyway."

4. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU COMMIT TO
-- The saying goes, "A promise, like a baby, is easy to make and hard to deliver." A promise is truly a debt you intend to pay someone -- so don't take on those debts carelessly, unless you want to breed a lot of distrust, anger and hurt in your relationships. Some people try to please everyone, saying "yes" and "sure I'll be there!" This may be due either to a fear that people will reject them if they say "no" or an inflated sense of confidence -- they truly believe they CAN do it all, and don't realize they end up dropping half those balls in the air every time. Of course, either way, letting half of the people down in the end pleases no one, and ends up angering the very people they feared saying "no" to intially, making it more likely the person will be rejected.

When someone asks a favor of you...

1) Consider if you WANT to do it?
2) Consider if you CAN do it?
3) Consider if you WILL do it -- will you do it 100%? Your only excuse would be getting hit by a bus and dying. Otherwise, you'll be held responsible.
4) Consider if something else comes up, will you STILL do it?

ONLY THEN, if all 4 categories are fulfilled, should you say "SURE, I PROMISE TO DO IT." If all 4 are not 100% DON'T PROMISE.

Try these tips and perhaps you can improve your promises, which makes for stronger relationships, better businesses and careers, and happier lives.

photo from: free digital photos. net

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