Have you taken "The Game" too far? Evolve from The Neg to The Modern Classy Guy.

Guys are you taking The Game too far? The original appeal of this approach, of "negging" girls and acting laid back and like you didn't care, and acting cocky/funny (google this phrase for 11,600,000 results), was that it was unusual. It caught attractive girls off guard -- you weren't just another loser showering her with compliments. You were unique. Because you were insulting and ignoring her. Go you. But times have changed. It's not your fault, but you need to adapt.

Rewind way back, 10 years, long, long ago. "The Land Before Negs." Way before "The Game took" hold of the country. This time period, for those of us who can remember, was "The Age of Compliments." Most guys were saying things like "Wow you are so pretty" and "I can't believe you actually went out with me" and "great dress." Due to this being the norm, when The Game became popular, a guy actually STOOD OUT if he refrained from complimenting and instead did the funny/teasing approach. It kept the girl guessing, confused her, and gave the guy the upper hand -- it was kind of mean, but it worked. This was a refreshing change for girls who felt they already had the upper hand and enjoyed this unusual new approach.

However, it's grown old. The Game was published in September of 2005 -- this means girls have had a good SEVEN YEARS of being ignorred, negged, insulted, and treated like an annoying little sister or roommate.

If you're still negging, you're as common as the Starbucks chain from which I am writing this.

As I'll discuss later, guys fall into the categories of Negger, Nice Guy (Actually a Wuss), and the Caveman. All of these are insecure guys and women hate insecurity. Read on to see which you are. The only thing that will work is to become The Modern Classy Guy, who is actually confident. I'll explain how to do that in a minute.

As for negs, I remember the shift. In my early 20s, most guys on dates would shower me with compliments. I remember most would say 10 or so in one first date. Everything from "you have nice arms" to "I like that your hair is the perfect length" to "you have nicely shaped fingers." I even got a compliment on my elbows once. Seriously. Apparently my elbows come to a perfect point. Please don't try to tell me he was just trying to get some -- I really want to believe I have flawless elbows, okay? Anyway, this was nice, it boosted my confidence, but...it was also expected. (Okay, maybe not the elbow one, but the rest).

So when guys started withholding compliments, it did keep me guessing. I remember one guy would alternate between being cold and ignoring/playfully insulting me, and then he'd throw me a crumb of a compliment. I HATED this, yet it did draw me in. He made me wait such a long time that when I finally got "wow you're really a great dancer" it stood out, since I'd had to go so long in a desert dry spell of "What the heck? Why isn't he complimenting me like the other guys? Am I no longer interesting or something?" At THE TIME, Negs gave guys the upper hand.

Problem is, Negs became extremely popular. They caught on faster than snap bracelets and soon the bookstores and internet were crawling with how-to guides. They'd tell you the specific wording for insulting her shoes.

This became so popular that we have now entered The Age of The Neg. Now EVERY single guy withholds compliments, and does NEGS. They're terrified to show any interest, since this is going against The Game and all that stuff Mystery has taught you poor guys over the internet.

Who wouldn't want to be like this guy? A bit outdated? Of course not. Fuzzy hats are still in...right??

I've gone out with guys for months and been exclusive, while having only received ONE OR TWO compliments in that entire time. One guy spoke nothing more than an awkward, "You look nice. Those earrings are dangly." And another murmured some sort of drunken, "You are pretty." Followed by oh god I never say that. I can't believe I just said that." This is really awkward guys! A decade of training yourself to not show interest has made you uncomfortable with saying ANY compliments.

So now you're again ALL USING THE SAME APPROACH, which means if you are NEGGING or WITHOLDING COMPLIMENTS you are now back in the TYPICAL guy category, because EVERY OTHER guy in the city is doing the same.

Since this has become a trend I (and every other girl) have been NEGGED to death, and it's boooring. "Nice smile, do you whiten your teeth?"
"You're a life coach, so are you going to tell me what kind of car to buy?"
"Nice nails are they fake?" (Okay, I've yet to get this one. But it might be nice to get someday. Maybe if I grew my nails out longer?)

Anyway. BORING. And insulting. Just not enjoyable.

And you know what? Girls KNOW about The Game now. They despise Mystery (yes we know who he is. We know all about his fuzzy hat). His approach is frustrating to many women. I know a girl who is from LA and Mystery hit on her, and she turned him down. No surprise there. Girls have grown to hate the neg. Let me say that again, they hate the neg.

So if you want to stand out from the crowd, work on your actual CONFIDENCE. This will help you become The Modern Classy Guy. This is the guy girls really want.

Unfortunately for girls, most guys in the population currently are one of the following:

• CAVEMAN -- Cavemen guys are insecure, and show this through force.They insist and are stubborn. They're dominant because they're afraid. They fear she won't like him, so they try to control her. These are the guys who will freak out if the girl talks to someone else at a bar, or will tell her to wear a longer skirt, or that she shouldn't go out with her friends. "I don't care if you hate jazz, I already got the tickets and we're going no matter what!!" says caveman. (Yes I'm describing a NYC caveman.) Or, "I bought this groupon and damnit if I will let it expire. We are eating Italian even if you have a gluten allergy. Eat that breadstick or this is over!" This is not confidence, but insecurity.
• NICE GUYS -- These are actually wusses. They throw gifts, money, promises, at a girl way before you've arrived at that level of closeness, due to his insecurity. He fears she won't like him, so tries to "buy" her.  "Yes I know it's only the first date, but I thought we'd go to Per Se and then I can buy you some diamond earrings." (Okay actually...maybe these guys aren't so bad? Just kidding. Everyone is creeped out by too much too soon.) "And after the diamonds, we'll drink expensive Scotch at my place, before I will kill you and store you in my ikea storage unit under my bed." (this is probably what she'll be thinking if you come on so strong, so soon). Trust takes time to build. You can't jump to the end. 
• NEGGERS -- A negger can be either a caveman or a nice guy, or a normal confident guy who has been misguided. Neggers of course withhold compliments, gifts, etc., due to insecurity. And because "Mystery told me to." They fear they won't be liked unless they stick to the list of things they've memorized off of the internet, because it really did work back in 2008. And it did. But the past is not the present, or else we'd all be wearing bell bottoms. A normal guy will have the easiest transition to becoming The Modern Classy Guy, because he has less baggage. Though any guy can transform.  
  

ALL of these guys are insecure and women HATE insecurity. Later I'll show you how to not do this, so you can become a Modern Classy Guy instead.

Back to negs. We now have a whole city of guys trying to romance girls without any romance. And trying to show interest, without showing any interest. This really goes against our cave-people origins, in which MEN PURSUED. Men, the ladies need you to return to pursing. We are tired of being on even footing, with no one pursing, and everyone pretending to not be interested. It's just not fun. Ladies, you need to let the poor guy pursue and stop insisting on choosing the restaurant, opening your own doors (only do it if he doesn't reach for it) and texting him the plan. And let him take out your trash or carry something heavy already...I know your personal trainer really worked on your arms, but come on, let him carry it. Not because you can't, but because why not? If you really believe in yourself, you'll let someone else help out, instead of having to prove you can do everything. Yes you can do it, but that doesn't mean you want to all the time.

Another problem with Negging, and this approach of guys sitting back and not showing interest, is it has snowballed into laziness. A lot of guys don't bother to look up restaurants, or to think of a creative date.

Case in point, on the web site Howaboutwe.com, you'll see hundreds of examples of lazy dates. Guys posting ideas like "Let's get coffee at the Starbucks outside my apartment. You pay." Or, "let's play card. Winner buys the beers." One had his main photo of his last-years Valentine's celebration: he was in boxers holding the tiniest box of candy you've ever seen, pouring some kinda wine -- he couldn't be bothered to put on pants!? And he's proud of this! He emailed me, and I confirmed with him that this was all true. No, I did not go out with him.

This all might have been shockingly funny and surprising 10 years ago, but now it's boring and outdated. Now it just makes you look lazy -- you are NOT pursing. You have taken the NEG to a level of LAZY. Lazy is the least attractive quality in the animal kingdom, which prizes people who are EXCEPTIONAL. You are not going to get a high-quality girl with this lazy approach.

I know this comes as a surprise, with a lot of girls offering to pay for dinner and insisting that "she'll call you" and talking about her plan to go to a sperm bank when she's a certain age, while continuing to date around, and her insisting she thought your howaboutwe.com date idea of "drinking from a flask in an alley" was charming -- but let me tell you most of this is BS. Some is a defense mechanism from girls who have been burned one time too many and decide to "go it alone," but really would prefer to have a guy around. And the rest is girls who feel it's "what they should say" to be a strong woman.

We live in an age of men and women being equal, and we are. We both deserve respect and to be treated as intellectual equals. But we are different. And men are meant to be pursuers. So bring the freakin' compliment BACK. Be men. Pursue. And throw aside this silly modern stuff that isn't making anyone happy. If she gets mad that you open the door, you can respect that, but still -- give it a try. Most girls will like it.

Now, this doesn't mean "be a doormat, compliment her, act like a wuss and let her make every decision, spend $500 on dinner and then don't even try to kiss her." No, that's just being an idiot. That is what is meant by "nice guys finish last." But this not being a "nice guy." It's lacking confidence and being wussy, which is also not attractive. Don't be this version of a "nice guy." Be a real one, who is confident.

To become The Modern Classy Guy, you need to strike a balance of your natural confidence, pursing, showing interest, offering restaurant ideas, and putting time and energy into your dates -- yet, expecting to see interest from her -- before you really show serious interest, or take her to Per Se, before you buy her expensive things or put all your cards on the table. Come on, this is common sense. If you're giving her everything before you even know her, that's showing INSECURITY not confidence. But you still need to offer her something, some effort, thoughtfulness, etc. This is the perfect balance that you need to achieve.

But withholding (with negs/laziness) is also showing INSECURITY. So don't be a negger either. Show her confidence by showing an APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF INTEREST.

That means planing a first date at a nice, but a reasonable priced place. If she shows no interest in you, cut the date short and don't continue to buy the $18 martinis all night if she's not even making eye contact, and she moves away when you put your hand on her lower back. But if she's matching your interest level, then step it up. The key is to MATCH one another's pace. This way you won't come across as an overly generous wussy "nice guy" (who isn't really nice, but INSECURE), or a lazy boring negger (who doesn't try hard enough). 

On the other hand, avoid being a caveman. You don't want to force like you're some kind of dictator. Don't try to control or insist.  This also shows INSECURITY as you don't trust her to choose to be with you. A confident guy won't be so worried about FORCING but will lead and then let things happen. Cavemen try to control and force. They get really upset if she doesn't agree with a plan, or if another guy looks at her, or if she has a life. This is insecurity. Not attractive.

So to strike the balance, don't be a caveman, a wussy "nice guy," or a negger.

To become The Modern Classy guy, be the "confident guy." To do this, work on self-development and cultivate your inner (and outer) strength. Then you will naturally do the right thing from a strong place. Read the books you need to, if you have insecurities deal with them -- be honest with yourself, everyone has some insecurities -- see a therapist if you think you're repeating patterns (such as chasing unavailable girls, or avoiding commitment), get a coach to fine-tune and develop your action plan. Then you'll operate from a strong, centered place. Your calm confidence will draw all women to you. 

When you find this balance, you won't force, but you'll offer. You'll become the classy guy from the black in white movies that the girls are all falling for. Yes let's go back to some black and white movies. Act like those guys -- rather, don't "act" like them, actually BE like them. Become confident men. These are men who don't call their mothers to decide every little decision. They are strong and decisive. But they're also polite and refined enough to take no for an answer -- they don't need everyone to agree with them, and because of that, they become leaders. They're kind and polite (yes, nice!), but they are never wusses. They'll take charge and offer to order you a martini, but if you didn't want a martini, they won't force it on you. They are classy. They'll compliment a girl when she's showing interest back. And if she's being cold and not seeming to like him, he'll give it one more shot and then end it.

The Modern Classy Guy is confident. And a real man. This stands out a ton in our society, where these qualities are as rare as that steak you're ordering for the girl who doesn't even like you. (Don't get her steak, or any very expensive meal, until you know she likes you). Go somewhere classy but less expensive.

Don't force, but offer. Offer compliments, your coat, open doors, offer to suggest a restaurant, offer to walk her home. And the minute she says "no thanks" take that as your cue to back off. Don't buy her steak, gifts, or $29/glass champagne until she's seemed happy to spend time with you on your first couple of dates. Respect where she's at, and don't give her more than she's willing to receive. So if she doesn't seem happy about the brunch you just bought her, don't suggest taking her to the US open with front row seats. Instead back off. Save those tickets for the girl who is excited to see you for a few dates. Match her level of interest, then step it up. Lead, but if she doesn't follow, walk away and find a different dance partner. Easy as that.

So now we have cavemen guys (who are insecure and force), nice guys (who are wusses and throw gifts, money, and compliments at a girl before she deserves them, due to his insecurity), the neggers (who withhold compliments or gifts completely, due to insecurity). ALL of these guys are insecure and women HATE insecurity.  

Don't be so common and ordinary, guys. You're better than that. Step up your game by becoming a better version of yourself. Become The Modern Classy Guy. It's not as easy as memorizing some insulting phrases from the internet, but if you want a high-quality girl, it's your only option.

For coaching visit www.yourdreamslifecoach.com