Monday, August 27, 2012
Yes, we all know the standard "dating safety tips." We know it's important to have your first date in a public place, right? At least I hope we do. Going to some guy's apartment so he can "make you dinner" on your howaboutwe date is like wearing a sign that says "This is crazy, but kill me maybe?"
Guys don't typically feel they have to give this topic much thought. But trust me, you do.
Here are the top 5 dating dangers you've never thought about, to keep an eye out for.
1) He brings a female friend (or friends). Don't let your guard down.
There's an inclination to think, oh, this is another girl, so she'll make sure nothing crazy happens to me in this situation. Especially if the girl becomes your instant friend and invites you to another location (like an apartment), be your normal cautious self. Don't assume because this is a girl, or that because there is a group of people, that you're any safer than being with a near-stranger guy alone. You're not safer. Couples have kidnapped, drugged, and raped people before. And crazy people typically don't appear crazy! They're often charming and appear trustworthy when you meet them. I've heard of this happening in bars, where guys use a girl as a wingman, and one girl went to a guy's apartment because the female roommate invited her, and it ended up not being a safe situation at all. To keep yourself safe: If your date bumps into some female friends, or invites them out, still be cautious.
2) Don't let him walk you home -- or up to your door anyway.
This one is unfortunate, because how cute is it when guys walk you home? However, some sketchy guys use this as an opportunity to try to push their way into your apartment. If this happens, refuse to go up to your apartment, and run away to a bodega, bar, or any open location. Other sketchy stalker guys will make note of where you live, so they can stalk you easily or send you things in the mail, etc. To keep yourself safe: don't let him walk you right up to your apartment building. This prevents him from knowing your address, and lessens the risk he'll try to push his way into your door. Stop a block or two (or farther) away -- preferably on a street around the corner, so he can't watch to see where you go inside -- and say "I'm close to here. Thanks again. Goodbye!" You may need to be firm if really insists. If you have a walk-up, refuse to unlock the door until you see him walk a block away.
3) Don't leave your drink on the bar while you wait in the bathroom line -- I'm talking to you boys!
Girls already know this rule, though it's easy to forget. Finish your drink before you go to the ladies. Don't trust anyone else to watch it, even your best friend -- all it takes is a person to distract your friend to drop something into your drink, and make sure you watch your drink being poured/opened. Guys, this can and does happen to you as well -- it's not discussed much, as many date rapes aren't reported. I've seen guys leave their drink on the bar, as they assume no one would roofie them. Think again. There are rapists who accidentally drug your drink, thinking it belongs to a girl. Some criminals are into guys. Or, a guy may simply want to steal your Rolex. Date rape drugs can make you collapse and pass out. If you find yourself WAY drunker than normal after only a few drinks, you vomit, and pass out, or feel overly relaxed and dreamy with memory loss, dizziness, with a "worse hangover of your life" the next day, despite not drinking very much, you may have been roofied. Certain date rape drugs can turn your drink blue, make soda go flat, or taste salty -- but other drugs are not detectable at all. To keep yourself safe: Guys and girls, take your drink to the restroom (kinda gross, germs), or finish it before you go. Don't let anyone bring you a drink from a part of the bar you can't see. Go to the bar with them. If that's awkward just say you want to see if they have a menu, or you want to ask the bartender something, etc. Beware of someone bringing you a drink from a far away bar...let's say they carry it over from a bar outside of the seating area in a comedy/improv club, or they wait in the long line at Carnegie Hall, or a show, and bring it over to you. That's a long way with your vulnerable drink! Be aware.
4) Don't trust your life to a near-stranger, even if she is hot.
Guys are the worst at this. Not thinking with your brain means you're risking your life and wallet. Hot girls are not immune to being sociopaths, STD-ridden, or in dire need of an American Express Black card. Re-think letting a near stranger stay the night as you pass out, even if she's hot. Also be careful you're not too drunk to be aware what's going on. This goes for you too ladies. Life is not Disneyland or a Sex in the City Episode where the worst thing that could happen is the guy wants to pee on you. To keep yourself safe: Know you're taking a risk if you go to anyone's apartment, until you know and trust them over time. Try to keep your early dates in public, and save the movie nights or making dinner together for after you're coupled up.
5) Don't get yourself so drunk that the sketchy cab driver tries something.
Cab drivers are typically nice people, but there are sketchy ones out there of course. When a girl is so drunk that she's nearly passing out, some sketchy cab drivers will try something. I've heard numerous stories of this. One cab driver got out and followed a girl to her apartment door, and she had to physically fight him away. Another had a cab driver ask her to come to the front seat to pay, and took off his pants. Luckily both girls got away okay. To keep yourself safe: Stay aware of not going past the line with your drinking, so that you're still aware in the cab. Being too drunk never excuses a potential rapists actions, as it's never a victim's fault, but not being too drunk will make it easier for you to deal with any situation.
Keeping these tips in mind will really help prevent most bad situations that could happen in dating. Stay safe out there everyone!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Change is one of the hardest things, for all of us. A new goal, especially a large one, will feel enormous, confusing, hard to grasp, and at times -- impossible. Even for my clients who have launched numerous successful businesses, who have become famous in their fields already -- yes even they feel this way. The pressure can feel HUGE. You have fear of failure, fear of success, and so much more...yikes!
That's where the 5-minute tasks comes in.
Anyone can complete a task that takes only 5 minutes. It's small, simple, and if it gets too challenging, you can give up after that 5-minute mark.
This is the key, because all goals are reached after completing tasks. So if you're too blocked to complete your tasks, you of course won't rise to the top or accomplish your goals -- regardless of how brilliant or talented you are. Blocks are serious business! And extremely frustrating.
So start today with 1 5-minute task. That's ALL you have to do.
1) What's your BIG goal you've been longing to accomplish, yet feel frustrated about?
2) If the frustration were gone, and you 100% believed in yourself, what HUGE tasks would you be doing?
3) What is 1 5-minute task you could do, that would bring you closer to your goal?
4) Complete this task. If you get frustrated, you can give up after 5 minutes (but write down what happened, and what your next step would be). Or, you may find yourself involved and really enjoying this task. It's not unusual to end up working longer than you had expected!
Big goals are accomplished when 5-minute tasks are strung together. But ALL you have to do now is 1. 1 task. 5 minutes.
Everyone has 5 minutes. No matter the result, it will change your path and bring you closer to your goal, simply to complete your 5 minute task!
Do it! I challenge you.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
To achieve any goal first and foremost requires a willingness to change your thoughts. Our lives are the result of our thinking. EVERY single thing in your life resulted from a thought you had. The chair you're sitting in -- you thought to purchase it, accept it as a gift, or you thought to accept the job that provided the chair, or you thought to visit the person's home you are sitting in...etc. You had a THOUGHT that resulted in sitting in this chair. It was a choice.
This is SO cool because it means that you are POWERFUL because you CREATE what comes into your life via your thoughts. And when you no longer want to sit in this chair, you will CHOOSE a new thought. And it will result in an action -- standing up.
The computer code (thought) runs the program (actions) -- so our thoughts results in actions that run our lives.
This means you can create anything you want -- a new business, a better career, an invention, a better relationship (or ending a bad relationship), learning something new like a language, becoming a better version of yourself, etc. -- simply by starting to create NEW thoughts.
But the BIG question...
Are you WILLING? If you are, anything is possible. If you are not, you are making a CHOICE at this moment not to.
A choice you can CHANGE in the following moment.
You have the power to change this choice at any time. Whenever you change this choice -- no matter how long you've chosen it, years, decades, all of your life -- your results will CHANGE as well.
When you change thoughts, action becomes easy. But to make ANY change, we must be WILLING to start from a place of thought.
Be honest with yourself. Are you willing? If you are not, why not? Most of the time it will be an emotional block -- it will feel like dread, prograstination, etc.
Thoughts result in actions. Actions create. So to create you must first re-write your thoughts!
How to do it:
1) Write down 3 thoughts you WISH you believed, but probably don't.
Imagine your end goal. See yourself living your end goal -- what things does that "new and great" person think? Notice how this is different from the thoughts the current "stuck-you" thinks -- and we are ALL stuck, or else we would be living our ultimate dreams!
Write down 3 things this successful person would think:
A) It's easy to start new businesses. Lots of people do it.
B) I'm smart enough to start a new business.
C) I can learn whatever is needed.
To show what successful people think, versus those who are "stuck,"...
- A successful entrepreneur thinks, "I might not know something YET, but I trust myself to learn it."
- A stuck, depressed entrepreneur thinks,"I don't know anything, and I'm not an expert. I'm not sure what I'm doing."
- A person capable of love thinks, "I can trust people, and earn their trust as well."
- A person incapable of love thinks, "People are cruel, and I've been hurt -- so I'll just go it alone."'
- A person capable of making friends thinks, "I'm friendly and the right people will click with me."
- A person incapable of making friends thinks, "I'm a wallflower, and I am socially inept. I just can't figure socializing out. I'm doomed."
Do you recognize yourself in any of the above? You will have some "stuck" thoughts and also some "success thoughts." We ALL have a combination. But changing even ONE stuck thought to a success thought, will affect the results you get -- it's seriously that powerful.
So what would the successful version of yourself THINK? Write those thoughts in the blanks above.
Then take new action based on your new belief -- you won't have to force it. It will flow naturally once you EMBRACE these new thoughts. That's the power or re-writing your computer code...the computer program results without having to "try."
Good luck everyone! And if you want step-by-step support in HOW to actually do this, contact me for coaching. Rates at www.yourdreamslifecoach.com.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Are you picturing the glamorous entrepreneur lifestyle? Thinking of starting your own business? Most new entrepreneurs (at least initially) begin working from home. Make sure you are prepared for the downsides of the switch from busy corporate office, to your living room. Being prepared can help you sidestep the shock of the change, which can leave many new entrepreneurs feeling confused or depressed.
- You are isolated at home -- this is one of the biggest problems for new entrepreneurs. Even the most introverted person will be thrown for a loop when they find themselves alone ALL day, with a laptop and a dream. There is no friendly banter or hello or goodbye to the receptionist and co-workers. Fix it -- You must create a social life for yourself. I believe you need 5 friendly interactions per day to stay in a happy, centered place. I make a point to schedule in plenty of social time with friends, volunteering, and when I meet with clients I always greet the security people warmly, or chat with the receptionist a bit before they meet me for their session. Also occasionally using g-chat (or other messengers, or texting) can be a fun way to stay connected during the day. If nothing else, going out to work from a cute cafe and saying hello to the usual barista, will bring many of the perks of working with others. When I meet with partners for events or have meetings, I make a point to catch up and ask how they are doing as well. These people really become my friends, which is simply more enjoyable.
- Sometimes your apartment or home is noisy -- In New York City at least, you may find that your apartment office is accosted with construction sounds, children playing outside, cabs honking, neighbors practicing for Carnegie Hall (or so they think), or other sounds you'd never expect -- this is NYC after all. At a home, you may have lawnmower sounds, or loud neighbors. If you've been used to being at the office during the day, you might have no idea what sounds may exist from 9 to 5. This can impact your work calls, or simply be an annoying distracting. Fix it -- Ask your broker if a potential apartment is noisy, and ask to stop by at various times during the day. Also ask neighbors you see in the hallway about noise level, and check any online reviews (just google the address of the apartment). It's not fool-proof, but it's better than nothing. If noise is very bad, consider renting office space (shared spaces, where you only rent a desk, are much cheaper).
- You must be your own boss -- with no one glaring in your general direction, working at home means taking full responsibility of completing tasks, without a friendly kick in the pants. Fix it -- Write your daily "must finish or else" tasks on a sheet of paper that you keep close to you all day. If you don't do your tasks, give yourself a small punishment, and/or reward, depending on what you respond to best. Ask yourself which of your previous bosses managed you the best, and try to copy some of their tricks.
- It takes a lot of discipline and various tips and tricks to keep motivated, and get all of your tasks done. Fix it: Make sure to have a separate work area, but of course it can be tempting to do other tasks -- such as surfing Facebook, or setting up weekend plans. Write out lists of priority tasks each day to ensure they all get accomplished. That said, discipline is a habit -- if you can brush your teeth every day, you can learn to be disciplined.
- It's easy to not get dressed -- there is no outside motivation for putting on a nice dress or suit, when you could stay in those baggy PJ pants. However, you will feel slovenly if you let yourself stay in those sweat pants all day -- unless you are going to the gym. Fix it: Make a point to always get dressed in the morning. When you call clients, throw on some heels or a collared shirt -- it really will help your attitude, and you'll feel more presentable when the Fed Ex guy shows up. It's also encourages you to go out to run errands or hunt down prospective customers or clients when you're already dressed.
- You don't get pats-on-the back -- In an office, strokes are easy to come by. "Good jobs" and "nice works" seem to float in the air -- at least, they do compared to your home office, where the thin air is certainly not going to give you such feedback! Fix it: You need to learn to give yourself positive feedback, by writing down goals, and also celebrating results and achievements. I have my clients list out their proudest moments as entrepreneurs, including hurdles they've jumped over -- so they can give themselves these pats-on-the back.
- You need to create structure -- Working from home means no set schedule. So it's all on you to project manage your entire work load, deciding on priorities, estimating time-lines, and so on. And you're fully responsible for all outcomes. This can of course be a lot of pressure when you wake up Monday morning and think, "Wait, what was I suppose to be working on again?" Fix it: Charts, lists, and calendars are vital here, to creating and maintaining structure and goals. It doesn't matter what your system is, but it needs to work for you. If nothing else, buy a big daily calendar and chart out your tasks for the next 1-3 months.
With a few fixes, working from home could be your ideal work space, or a great place to launch your venture, even if you do end up renting a big office down the road.
Want entrepreneur coaching to get you from here to there? Get my rates. Fill out the form here: www.yourdreamslifecoach.com.
image from free digital photos. net.