Stages of the Success Process -- and where we all get stuck

The process of success is similar to the process of grief. We all accept that a grieving person will go through many stages including numbness, denial, anger, sadness, etc. We also have heard that each individual goes through this process differently, and some people get "stuck" at various stages and are unable to move forward. Often, a person will move forward and then revert back. The SAME is true of the success process.

Just as some people become stuck in the guilt phase of grief, and remain there for decades, others are stuck in various phases of the success process. Which phase are you stuck in? The purpose of coaching is to bring us along in this process, because we all get stuck at various points. All humans give up, even successful ones. But successful people do eventually get back up after falling -- some faster than others. There is no good and bad here. It just depends how much time you have and how long you'd like to wait before you create your new life -- it is all your choice.

We all achieve success differently. Our "here" starting points are as different as our "there" dream endpoints. The forest we must walk alone through is also unique, with challenges and battles designed specifically for us, as we must be prepared differently depending on what kind of dreams we have.

Let me outline a few steps in the success process. Just like the grief process, individuals may skip stages and the order may change, and we all get stuck in various points before we are willing to move on.

The Success Process Stages:
Keep in mind, each stage may last a day or two, a year, a decade, or sometimes, a lifetime. It is possible to become stuck in any stage.

• A sad feeling -- this is a realization that our life, as it is, is no longer enough. It may feel intense, or like numbness, longing, boredom, depression, anxiety or possibly just a whisper that something else may be out there. These emotions are spurring you on to take action, and therefore these "bad" emotions are a good thing!
  
• Denial -- here we have the status quo. "Why change?" "Everyone else does it this way!" "Your job isn't so bad!" "It's simply NOT possible!" "The economy sucks -- it doesn't make sense to make changes now!" "I'm too young to try that!" "I'm too old to do that!" "Fill in the blank with your favorite excuse."
• Curiosity -- now is the time you notice something new. You're slightly open to new possibilities, though not ready yet to change. You may see someone with what you want and feel jealous, read different books or notice unusual things in your day. While open, you are still critical and cautious. It's easy to switch back and forth between denial and curiosity.
• Possibilities -- here you begin to notice what is possible for you. You may feel excited, warm and fuzzy or glow with the idea of what is to come! While visualizing this, it feels like bliss. But after you're done picturing, you wonder if it's possible or not. If only you were good enough, maybe you could achieve such wonderful things! You are not ready, but the dream life sure sounds lovely!
• Excited for action -- now you are beginning to feel excited to take action. What can I do to make this happen for real now? I'm tired of failure and I want to live my new life! You are now motivation to make big changes, but when you actually take action, you quickly lose steam. Motivation comes and goes. Your beliefs trick you and hold you back. Your positive thinking is only effective about half the time. The positivity feels fake.
• Initial action (1)-- this first try at action is exciting! It feels like it's possible! But yet, you find you don't have nearly as much motivation as you thought you did...why is that? Do you not have what it takes? Why didn't it succeed!?
  
• Identifying fear -- now that you can see how you failed slightly in your first stab at creating a new life, it's easy to single out why. Which beliefs held you back? Which skills do you not have yet? Which fears are the ones preventing you from finding, learning or doing what you need to making change? Which beliefs are there, and are they true? Your worst fears are either not true, or can be faced and worked around.
  
• Facing fear -- now the natural bravery, that all humans have in their DNA comes to action. Allowing us to face the fears we have and look it straight in the eyes. We want to reach our goal and these pesky fears are in the way! Get outa the way fear! This is where we commit to taking action, despite feeling shaky and lacking in confidence.
• Taking second action (2)-- we now take action again, building on what we learned the first time. Stronger from facing fear, you'll notice you feel slightly more confident, though you are still shaky. You're wanting this more badly, and also doubting yourself more. More and more fears seem to be coming to the surface -- and this feels like such a bad thing! Shouldn't this be easier? Where is the "easy" button? Should you give up now? Maybe your old life wasn't so bad?
• Facing fear again -- once again, fears that came up during or before the actions are listed, discussed and faced. That forest is walked through. You are growing stronger now, and a force seems to be motivating you and pushing you that is bigger than yourself.
  
• Repeat last two stages -- more actions are taken, and more fears are faced. The actions bring hidden fears to the surface where they are dealt with and released. Actions also bring you closer to achievement, but the first several actions will be thousands times harder than future ones, because you are still building the foundation of your belief in yourself. Once this is firmly built, future actions will be far easier. You will have many more fears to deal with up-front, than you will as you progress -- you are purging yourself of these built up negative beliefs that allowed you to stay in enertia in the past.
  
• Celebrating small successes -- you now have much to celebrate! First, you've faced many fears you didn't know you had! This feels as good as exercising muscles you didn't know existed! You'll feel a tinge of pride and happiness at what you've seen yourself do. Plus, you've taken action in the face of your own fear! You've done it anyway. Whatever negative beliefs you had about yourself cannot stand up to the power of watching yourself take action! Your self concept will now be slightly different.
• Large fears -- as you note yourself making real progress, you now fear larger things. Who are you if you become someone new? Will your friends and family still relate to you? What will you give up if you make this success real? Is the price too high? Are you the sort of person who deserves this success? Should you give up and play small? Maybe stagnation wasn't so bad? Maybe success will be more of a pain than anything? Perhaps failure could cost you more than you had considered?
• Rise of something bigger -- now something bigger steps in. It's not motivation, but passion. It reminds you in whispers, in inclinations, in dreams, in things you notice, in hunches, in moments of excitement, it reminds you what is meant for you. You can really see yourself doing this now, despite the pain and the fear. They seem small in comparison to what you are building. It feels good, real and authentic to build your new dream life, piece by piece. You want to chart out long-term plans with this. You feel a commitment growing, hope increasing, and a steady belief being born in you that this is not only possible, it already exists. It feels firm in your heart, soul, mind and intellect. You feel resonance.
  
• The plan -- here you chart a longer-term plan for your new life and it suddenly doesn't seem as scary. It's starting to feel like home. You've dealt with and faced the big fears and thoughts and now you're in maintenance mode. New fears arise, but your foundation in yourself is so strong that you find confidence comes to you easily. You pride yourself on your daily accomplishments and feel really good about yourself! Your actions, thoughts, beliefs and loves in life ALL match! This is who you were meant to be! You still have new fears daily, but you take action anyway. You may revert back to earlier stages, but you now know how to identify fears that come up from doing actions, deal with and face them, create a new positive belief, and take action even if you don't feel 100% confident -- and surprisingly, you're starting to feel 100% confident!
• Ahhhhh -- this is where you simply feel good. Everything has come together. You are almost through the forest and see light up ahead and boy is the sun beautiful! Your plan and daily actions have become habit, but you're creatively looking for new ways to grow as well. Growth isn't as painful now, because you see it's the whole point of being alive. You're willing to be a mature adult and deal with ups, downs, sadness, joy and fear -- and face them all. Moving forward doesn't feel like a strugle. You have momentum. Others pick up on your excitement, new confidence, joy and sense of accomplishment and they want to be a part of it! The right people are drawn to you. Success and money seem to flow to you more easily than they ever did in the past. You're starting to feel lucky!
• Peace -- now you feel at peace. You've discovered yourself in a deep way and now have greater insight into your strengths. You understand how you react to things, what your fears tend to be like, what your emotions feel like (and how to face, learn from and move on from any negative emotion). You've succeeded many times and these moments stand out to you. You've had set backs, moments of being stuck and failures, but that doesn't matter now -- it's all part of the process. You feel like a good person who has accomplished a lot so far. You feel resonance with your entire life. Celebration feels natural. You've found your loves in life, both in your career and personal life. You feel complete, even when alone. Spending time alone is no longer frightening or a chore. You enjoy it, because you understand yourself. Calmness comes naturally to you and balance finds you. Everything you want is flowing to you with momentum, and you trust in yourself to handing anything that comes up. Your intuition and hunches are strong and guide you. You have become courageous, confident and strong enough to fight for th life you are meant to lead. You have become yourself, and the people in your life love you just as you are. Setting bigger goals is no problem now -- you've done it before and faced the scariest fears of your life. You've walked through the dark forest. And now, it's all hills, some mountains, but it's all out in the light, where you know how to overcome, deal, and trust. Enjoy the journey, celebrate the finish.

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Find out more about Life Coaching. I'm a NYC Certified Life Coach serving professional, ambitious clients.