Start-up Entrepreneurs, Traders, etc. -- How to Prepare Loved Ones for Your New Career

So you're all set to start a business, jump into trading, or have otherwise discovered your passion in life! Amazing. Your energized by your newly found purpose in life and ready to take over the world with your new plans. However, the close people in your life may not feel equally thrilled. This is a common occurrence for my clients when they start or expand a business, become a financial trader, or go after any number of other pursuits.

You've probably noticed some tension with your romantic partner, friends and family members, who may not understand your willingness to throw caution to the wind -- especially if they stand to be negatively impacted financially, lack of time together, etc. This doesn't mean your dreams are not viable, special, or doable. However...

If you don't want to end up alone and huddled in a corner, it's important to really see the situation from your loved ones' perspective and prepare them for changes with with a series of conversations you'll need to have. Without a discussion, this is a spicy recipe for disaster. Will time together become impossible? Relationships require responsiveness. What will happen to child care, and daily chores? Does this jive with your values and vision for the future, or is this a new departure from how others have known you in the past? This may be jarring for loved ones who will need time to understand who "the new you" really is. Will there be a period of financial instability, which you are assuming they will cover? Assuming your partner will continue to clock-in at the grindstone while you go after your dream to open a restaurant? Not making assumptions, but instead opening the lines of communication is vital. And understanding that other people will have different feelings and thoughts is also important.

Why is this all so important?
You may be thinking, "Hey, business is more important to me than people anyway. I don't really need people." If so, you're who I'm really speaking to in this article. People who understand the value of relationships will fairly naturally already know how to have these conversations. Those who aren't as successful at relationships as they are at business most need to read this article! Forward it to them if you know someone like this. We all need people, even if we deny it. Relationships are the most important factor for our happiness, which is why we're not listed as one of the happiest countries. Support from people is also important for success.

This is so important, that dealing with loved ones reactions to becoming a trader is one of the first things I mention in my interview in Trading in a Nutshell. I've seen the impact of not having these discussion on relationships and it's not pretty, as well as the toxic entitled attitude: "I can do whatever I want, and you just have to deal with it," which can (and does) destroy relationships. On the other hand, being empathetic and a good communicator has the power to strengthen your relationships, bringing you closer and creating a beautiful and strong bond that will stand the test of time. 

When you're sitting in your bathrobe sobbing at your laptop because your latest deal didn't go through, you will appreciate that hand on your shoulder -- you really will. You will remember it was important to have these conversations with loved ones early on, before small anxieties and cracks in your relationship grew into giant volcanoes and deep ravines. The person who didn't have these conversations? They will stand to face greater emotional pain in the dips and momentary failures all new endeavors include -- being alone is simply harder. Isolation is bad for business.

The way you handle this transition (and discussion) can make or break your relationships. It could prevent a divorce or a friendship or other relationship from ending.

Also, emotional support is extremely important for you to have while you're jumping into a new endeavor. As a coach, it's one things I provide, however, a loved one is also essential as they can actually hug you -- I never cross that professional line -- and be there when you wake up in the middle of the night screaming during a nightmare when you dreamed that your business failed. As your coach, I'm in the trenches with you during the work day, but your loved ones are eating ice cream with you on the couch at midnight, as the the details of that pitch-gone-wrong fade from mind as you see them smile.

Strong relationships give you a sense a freedom to go conquer the world and tackle problems, and to bounce back from the inevitable challenges you'll face -- and loneliness or lack of support can drain you and lead to anxiety and less confidence. So figuring out how best to proceed in discussing your new plans with loved ones is essential! Doing so will also help you hone the important communications skills and empathy you need to succeed most in your new endeavor as well -- the world is made of people. You'll be practicing your business communication skill at the same time.

Before you get started:

It's a good idea to first write down "your story." What do you want and why? Set aside a few hours and really ponder why do you want to jump into your new passionate pursuit. Do you think it's good for the loved ones in your life, or are you trying to convince yourself that it is, when it may not be? What are your plans for the near future, as well as down the line? What will you do if things don't go as planned? What if money or time dries up? How do you expect to deal, or do you expect your loved ones to endure hardships without speaking up? Spending a few hours writing down this information (for yourself) is important. The goal of this is to become clear to yourself what you're really doing, and why. This is not a document you'll share with others -- your job isn't to convince them as if they are a venture capitalist. Your job is to first get clear about what you're doing, and why. Being clear with yourself is an essential first step. This will allow you to address the situation from a calmer more centered place.

How to do discuss with your loved ones. Find a good time to discuss and carve out at least an hour or two. If either of you get angry, suggest coming back to discuss as soon as you are calmer. If either of you get upset, provide emotional support with verbal reassurance or a touch on the arm. Do you best to avoid eye rolling, defensiveness, attacking your partner, etc.

Preparing loved ones

1) Talk and be honest -- Many entrepreneurs try to downplay the dramatic lifestyle changes becoming an entrepreneur will cause (sometimes we even hide these painful realities from ourselves), and this is the recipe for distrust and relationship break-down later on. Your loved ones are your emotional support and are your soft place to fall, and being honest is essential for maintaining your relationship. Otherwise you may later find yourself with a failed business, and a failed marriage. Lay out the honest path of what's ahead. Be clear that your finances will change. You may need to spend most of your savings, reduce expenses and luxuries, have less time together, etc.

2) Listen to concerns -- It can be tempting to attempt to argue with your loved one and "win" that argument by insisting how a business will later enhance your marriage or relationship. But resist that urge. You are not trying to persuade a venture capitalist. You are trying to maintain your relationship. The tool you need to use is empathy. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. What are their concerns? Fears? What are they feeling and thinking? Ask these questions until you have a thorough understanding. Really get your head (and heart) around their concerns. Repeat the main concerns back to your partner, as well as what you imagine they are feeling. Give them a chance to confirm or deny if you got it correct. If you missed something, take it into account, and repeat it again, until you have it completely accurate, and they feel understood. Understand they may be quite upset, angry, hurt, or worried about your relationship -- keep a cool head, as you will be expecting this. They have a right to be upset. Give them as much time as needed for them to relax and discuss the situation calmly.

3) Reassure -- If your relationship is important to you, say so. And show it. An affectionate gesture like a hug or eye contact can go a long way. Tell your partner the reasons you love him or her, and make it clear that your relationship is a huge priority. Make it clear that you are planning this both for your own fulfillment and happiness, but also for the success of both of you later. Make it clear you aren't going to let your relationship deconstruct due to working crazy hours and having no time together. Be clear you will fight for your relationship. This is a difficult thing to do, especially for men who tend to naturally think in a compartmentalized way (and may forget to invest in their relationship when focused on business), but it's essential, and is a learned skill.

3) Find a way to maintain your relationship -- Relationships are like plants which require water. Without constant investment, they will fail. Don't assume you can skimp on your relationship and it will still be there for you. While your new venture may be your priority, your relationship must be as well, or it won't survive. What are the ways you can ensure your relationship doesn't fail? What are the deal breakers for your partner? How can you find win/wins where your partner still feels fulfilled and loved, despite the demands your business will place on your personal time, finances, and emotional energy? Even if your partner intends to be there for you, an unwatered plant dies. And despite both of your best intentions and idealistic notions, the practical reality is that your relationship will demand time, attention and effort, or you are better off just getting divorced or ending your relationship now. A sad but real, truth. Reassurance and quality time together are the glue that hold relationships together, and you can always make time to provide these, even on the busiest day.

4) Ask what your partner needs -- This is where you get a clear understanding of what your partner needs in order to maintain a relationship with you. Write this list down, as it's easy to forget when you are overwhelmed (and excited) by your new venture. Make a list of deal-breakers, as well as preferences. For example, a preference might be "I would prefer to spend every Friday and Saturday night together," and a deal breaker might be "If we don't spend time together at least once a day for a few minutes, I won't feel connected to you and would probably leave." Everyone has different preferences and deal breakers, so don't attempt to change theirs. Simply respect it. These are core values and are not changeable. If you have children, also ask what their needs are -- and if they don't answer, observe what seems to make them happiest (hint: quality time with their parent is probably top of their list).

5) Problem-solve -- This is where you take all of the information you've received from your partner, and you create a plan of how you can jump into your new business plans, while also investing in the success of your relationship. This may take you some time to do, and plan to spend at least an afternoon problem solving. Where there is a will, there is a way. Perhaps you can hire an intern or an employee to do some of the less-important tasks so that you can go home to your family for some quality time. Often, we have absolute ideas that as an entrepreneur, we must be slavishly working away or else we aren't 'real entrepreneurs.' However, where there is a solution to every problem if you really look for it. Just as you must keep all the balls in the air or your business will fail, the same goes for your relationships. You must invest or they will fail.

6) Present your plan -- Present your plan to your loved ones. Make it clear this is a rough draft, and you are open to input. This is where you will need to again use empathy for any concerns they have, reassure using loving words or affectionate gestures like hugs, and be open to their concerns. Offer new ideas and approaches, and find a compromise you both can live with. You'll need to negotiate and give your partner equal weight in deciding. If you are both willing to show love and compromise, you can make it work.

7) Check-In -- After a period of time, or if you notice your loved one seems on edge or unhappy, reopen the conversation. Repeat your questions and empathy and again information-gather while offering reassurance. There may be things which need to be tweaked. Perhaps your partner thought he or she'd be okay with seeing you less, but is feeling lonely or stressed handling more household chores. Follow the same approach, and make any necessary tweaks to your plans. Remember that your partners needs are equally important to your own.

8) Congratulate yourself for skill building -- Maintaining a relationship during a start-up venture, a new trading career, or other pursuit, is extremely challenging. If you can hold it together, you deserve a big congratulations! These are the skills which not only hold loving relationships together, but also help you problem solve in the workplace. As you hone your communication, empathy, and interpersonal skills at home, these skills will naturally flow over into your start-up, allowing you to be more successful and centered at work as well.

9) Pitfalls -- Common pitfalls are feeling entitled to start your business regardless of impact on your loved ones. Using magical thinking that it will all work out great without any effort on your part. Trying to convince your partner that your business is the priority in the long run. Avoiding a discussion or hoping your partner won't notice the effects on finance and your relationship. Becoming a workaholic to avoid the toxic effects not having dealt with this situation has caused. Not being able to yourself face the true impacts to your life, relationship, and finances, and therefore not being able to discuss them. These are all frightening and stressful things to face, but you must find the courage to face them, if you want a successful relationship and business. Bravery is rewarded in both.

It's not easy to prepare your loved ones. But if you want both amazing relationships, happiness, as well as success, it is essential.

For coaching to help you through any stage of the process, get rates.