Sunday, December 26, 2010

Allowing good things's harder than you'd think.

Once you open the door to allowing new, GOOD things to happen to you, absolutely ANYTHING becomes possible. Let go. ALLOW. Don't be afraid.

Easier said than done, isn't it? And the reason for that, as I'll explain, is partly stuck deep in your primitive brain. It's something that restricts the majority of us into cramped little lives we aren't meant for. And it's stuck deep in your primitive brain -- yet, you can undo its negative effect, as I'll also explain.

But first, the Secret and The Law of Attraction both require you to "allow" in order to receive the things you desire. Desire is easy enough. "Wow. I WANT that." Visualizing it isn't too tricky either "Yeah, I can see myself in that life." But the allowing part is where most of us get stuck.

Do I really deserve that? Is it really even possible? I don't see any evidence for this being possible, so maybe I should throw that idea out.

Sometimes holding the hand of negativity is easier than breaking away, and running off towards an uncertain horizon line -- one that holds the promise of good, amazing things, but also is completely unknown.

What if you started to believe it's possible, only to have your hopes come crashing down? Fear of this idea is the reason that 95 percent of us will never truly enjoy our lives.

And what a shame that is.

But to do otherwise requires the courage of jumping out of a plane or off of a cliff. Even if I could assure you there was a 0% chance of dying from those activities, our emotions would still come into play and prevent most of us from taking that plunge.

Every day is an opportunity to jump out of that plane, off of that cliff, and into something beautiful, refreshing, new, and powerfully full of newness and love. We are alive and meant to jump into new things. It's the only way to live the life you're meant to.

But most of the time, we don't.

We are like squirrels gathering our nuts for the winter, ready to wait out the snow. But we wait it out for the rest of our lives, and forget to come back out and enjoy the spring. We wait and wait and wait -- for what exactly? And our lives in the meantime pass us by.

We hold tight to our restrictions, our limitations, the people standing in our way, the jobs that make us angry, our hurts, our rejections -- we wrap our arms around these negative, draining, painful things, for one reason:

It's harder to take a risk and believe good things are possible. Because what would happen if you took that risk, if you believed something good is possible, and you didn't get it? Would it be more painful perhaps than living in pain daily?

The fear of disappointment is what keeps us in lives that are continually disappointing. We adapt to the horrible situation, instead of creating a better one, because what if we create a better one only to have it fail?

And what would happen if you got your hopes up and you failed? Would you die? Starve to death? No, logically you know you wouldn't. But part of you really believes you WOULD die. And for good reason! Because your primitive brain just knows fear as fear. It doesn't distinguish beyond that. And in primitive days fear meant that death or starvation were around the corner.

The certainty of bad, negativity is often more reliable than the emotional risk that you can actually create good, wonderful things.

So we stay cramped in the corner, like squirrels hording nuts, afraid to go outside. Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc.

The same element comes into play when we think "Maybe I'll go for that new job." And your emotional reaction feels like this:
"Perhaps there is an animal that would eat you out there. Perhaps the winter would freeze you. Etc."

No, a new job won't eat you or freeze you to death, but your emotions FEEL like they would.

One of the hardest things about change is this idea. You can't just dismiss that primitive brain, as it's a POWERFUL part of you.

You can't just simply ignore this hugely powerful primitive programming in your brain -- and all the affirmations or distractions in the world won't make it go away. It's there to keep you alive.

So instead of distracting yourself, or dismissing it, or saying "go away!" you must instead LISTEN to the primitive part of you, and SPEAK to it, the way you would a child. Calmly and with concern.

You must convince the primitive part of your brain that the fear you feel is not an indication that you will die/starve if you attempt this. The way you would tell a child "No, there is not a monster in your closet, and let me show you it's safe."


Give it a try yourself. In 5 minute you can have a life-changing moment. Get a notepad and try this yourself! If you'd like coaching to help you do this more deeply, email me.

How to.

1. Think of the goal you want -- something you've wanted but haven't taken action on. Picture having it. Feel the good feelings.
2. Consider taking action. Feel the bad, fearful feelings.
3. Ask your primitive brain, what are you feeling? What are you afraid of?
4. Write it down.
5. Validate your primitive brain's feelings. "Okay, I see you feel afraid we might have something really bad happen if I go for the job and don't get it. You feel afraid I might not get a high enough pay check there and might starve if we can't afford food."
6. Reassure your primitive brain of the true facts, and assure your primitive brain that you won't starve/die. "I'm going to go on an interview, and I will find out the salary -- it should be high enough for us to buy food. Even if it's not, I have savings to buy food, or I could always move in with a relative. In any event, I will not starve to death or die from going on this interview."
7. You will feel a sense of peaceful calm. It feels really good!
8. Ask your primitive brain to help support you. "Please work with me as I go on this interview and help me to (_____insert the ideal outcome you have for the interview, e.g. "to come across as capable and professional/get the job, etc.")

That is how the process works.

In addition, you can write down affirmations on some note cards cut in half. Carry them in your pocket. Look at them when you're waiting for the subway or stuck at a red light.

Tell yourself, "No, I won't die if I do this. I will live more fully."
"Yes it is uncertain, but I can promise you 100% you won't stave or die doing it. You will thrive doing it."
"Yes I may be disappointed, but I won't die or stave. If I fail, but I'll rebound quickly emotionally, and be much closer to my huge success."
"Doing this will bring me closer to success."
"Even if I feel fear, that doesn't mean bad things will come to me."
"I don't know the outcome, but it will be an outcome that brings me closer to success."

Doing this will help you to work with your primitive brain, to allow wonderful new things into your life. It's the missing link that stands between you and the love, money, and success you need. Give it a try!

Wishing you all continued success!


Anonymous said...

my experience with "I want to become successful."

The main idea in my "primitive brain" was:

"If I'm successful I have to be alone."

Which was a terrifying feeling. I realized why I felt that way. I changed it to:

"When I'm successful I'll be surrounded by loving people."


And other:

I'm an idiot, I don't deserve to be successful, because I have nothing of value to offer people. I'm just taking up space and annoying people who don't want to hear what I have to say. It's annoying to them to have to constantly tell me I'm wrong, and they'd rather I just shut up. I want to make others happy by just shutting up. I don't want to upset them by making my presence known and putting my ideas out there. (Because of how I was treated in the past, by people who were impatient).

I was never an idiot, I do deserve to be successful, I have a lot of value to offer people. I'm taking up space in a good way and people want me to take up space, and I'm helping people who want to hear what I have to say. I'm improving their lives, and if they say I'm wrong that's more to do w/ them, than with me. They want me to talk. I want to make others happy by putting these ideas and my presence out there. I want to make people happy by making my presence known and putting my ideas and self out there. I deserve to be successful, because successful people have ideas people want to hear, and a presence people want to be around.

Anonymous said...

I tried this process in wondering why I resist eating well, rather than binge eating harmfully, even though I enjoy good food and am aware when I'm no longer hunger. It worked right away to show me my fear that I might not have the choice of eating exactly what I want unless I eat as much of it when I have a chance as I can. Realizing this fear is not based on truth or reality, and that I can choose to eat healthy food, because I do have the choice to eat anything I want in my circumstances, seems obvious but was not obvious before I was aware of the reason I kept wanting to binge eat food I logically had no desire for. And the process also includes reminders of the realization, and a way to change the emotional response. Very effective, and very positive, way to change and move toward accomplishing this goal.